32. QUICK RESET: My child is being bullied and I'm supposed to stay calm

ADHD Mums

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26d ago 28:34

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Your child comes home from school withdrawn, teary, or exploding in rage — and you’re expected to stay calm. Every cell in your body wants to burn the system down, but the school says ‘We’re handling it’. You can see your child’s spark dimming, and you’re being told to keep your emotions in check so you’re not labelled ‘the emotional mum’.

Psychologist Mona Delahooke reminds us that children’s behaviour is a direct reflection of their nervous system regulation. If your child shuts down, lashes out, avoids, cries, or seems ‘off’, it’s often their nervous system saying: I’m not safe. And safety isn’t about compliance — a child can ‘behave’ all day and still be in distress.

Dr Gabor Maté talks about how children’s experiences can activate a parent’s own unresolved trauma — especially for mothers. If you grew up feeling unprotected or disbelieved, protecting your child may feel like your number one mission. But when you’re operating from that deep trigger, the intensity can sometimes lead to mistakes — not because you’re wrong to protect them, but because the system forces you to fight while dysregulated yourself.

This episode is for every parent sitting in that impossible gap between fury and strategy. Jane unpacks the nervous system science, the emotional triggers, and the practical advocacy steps that actually protect your child — without burning yourself out in the process.

You’ll learn:

How to recognise when your child’s behaviour is a nervous system ‘distress signal’
Why staying calm isn’t about ignoring your emotions — it’s about using them effectively
What to do before approaching the school, so you’re heard instead of dismissed
How to document incidents and escalate without losing trust or credibility
The fine line between resilience-building and retraumatising
Scripts and safety plans that support both you and your child

Because protecting your child and staying grounded aren’t opposites — they’re both part of getting results that last.

🔗 ADHD Mums Resource

The 4 F's FREE Resource & the Bullying Response Kit – A step-by-step guide to navigating school bullying, with scripts, documentation templates, and emotional regulation tools for both you and your child. Get the Kit here

Making School Work - Your go-to advocacy guide for when your neurodivergent child isn’t coping — and the school says they’re fine. Packed with scripts, templates, and clarity for IEPs, school refusal, and shutdowns, it helps you hold your ground in the rooms that matter. Get it here

A Kit for Making the Mental Load Visible - This kit gives you practical, ADHD-friendly ways to offload invisible tasks and delegate in a way that actually sticks – without micromanaging, nagging, or having it boomerang straight back onto you. Get the Kit here

🎧 Related Episodes

Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems – Emma Rose

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QUICK RESET: Advocating for Your Child Shouldn’t Break You — But It Often Does

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SCHOOL SERIES: When School Stops Feeling Safe

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Topics Covered in This Episode

bullying prevention, ADHD parenting, school advocacy, nervous system regulation, fight-flight-freeze-fawn, co-regulation, trauma triggers, Dr Mona Delahooke, Dr Gabor Maté, documenting incidents, resilience vs trauma, protecting trust with teens, emotional safety in schools, trauma-informed parenting, parent nervous system repair

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