Imagine that four experts on bridging divides came together to advise you on how to handle your next challenging conversation…Voila! Meet the “Be The Change” tool chest! On this episode of Reimagining Us, hosts Nichole Argo and Scott Hutcheson ask questions such as:

• What strategies can I use to build my curiosity muscle?
• How do I prepare for a conversation across differences?
• Do I need to bridge with everyone?
• How do you engage with someone who isn’t interested in being curious?
• What do you do in a conversation where you think, “This person is crazy!”
• What do you do when someone says something offensive, or harmful?
• What’s a good dialogue strategy for sharing my position?

John Sarrouf, Melissa Weintraub, Monica Guzman, and Scott Shigeoka share actionable tools and strategies for fostering curiosity, connection and understanding that can help listeners engage effectively in conversations across differences.

Use this tool chest as a foundation that you can return to again and again as you connect across differences!

Actionable Takeaways:

Prepare for Conversations

1. Challenge Your Echo Chambers: Write down whose perspectives you’re not exposed to, or haven’t considered. Plan to engage with at least one new source of information or person this week.
2. Reflect on Your Motivation. Approach each conversation as an opportunity to learn, understand others, and uncover the complexity of an issue.
3. Question “single story” narratives that depict individuals or groups as “just one thing.”
4. Name and Check Your Assumptions. Write down your assumptions (e.g., “They think I’m lazy”) and test them by seeking direct feedback when appropriate.
5. Consider Your Bridging Boundaries. We don’t have to bridge with everyone – it’s okay to opt out if engagement feels too costly. That said, reflect on whether your "red lines" stem from a lack of understanding or genuine need for emotional safety.
6. Practice Mental Preparation: Rehearse your approach before your next challenging conversation. Visualize questions, reactions, and ways to stay curious.

During Engagement

1. Move Divisive Conversations Off Social Media to encourage richer dialogue. Consider calling or meeting in person.
2. Use “Splitting”: Start conversations by clarifying what you don’t mean to address potential misunderstandings and ease the other person’s concerns. Then focus on explaining your position in a way that opens space for understanding rather than entrenching divides.
3. Recognize When You’re Feeling Triggered as this often shifts your motives from understanding to self-defense or domination. Take proactive steps—pause, reframe, or share your feelings calmly.
4. Approach Offensive or Harmful Remarks with honesty about your feelings. Avoid shaming or dominating; instead, seek to understand the deeper values behind others’ perspectives.

After Engagement

1. Question Your Priors on Success and Failure. Success is not about changing minds but about fostering understanding and maintaining or repairing relationships. Conversations that allow for moments of discovery, even if minor, are inherently successful.
2. Trust Curiosity and Be Patient. Curiosity and openness can build understanding over time.

Resources

• Read I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times by Monica Guzman
• Read SEEK: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, by Scott Shigeoka
• Visit Essential Partners at www.whatisessential.org
• Visit Resetting the Table at www.resettingthetable.org

For more information or to share your stories and feedback, email [email protected], or comment on YouTube and Social Media @togetherupinstitute

HOSTS:

Nichole Argo is the Founder and Executive Director of TogetherUp Institute

Scott Hutcheson is the Executive Director of E Pluribus Unum

Produced by Next Chapter Podcasts