Listen : 3m14s

I cut my finger,
accidentally,
at lunch.
It was against our very sharp,
never used,
vegetable peeler,
in the drawer.
I was reaching for the meat
thermometer.
Seems like the protective cover came off
or one of us nudged it off.
I am such a baby.
I bled for a while.
A lot.
And then we went to a closed walk-in clinic.
Thinking
stitches?
I get it.
Not enough doctors out there.
Thankless job.
Be a specialist.
A little after we got back home, the bleeding slowed down.
We dressed it. In those
Steri-strips that simulate stitches.
All the while me being a
fucking
baby.
Because I don’t want it to get infected.
Suppressed immune system.
It is no one’s fault. Shit happens. I mean,
fuck, we put the peeler
in its
protective plastic sheath.
It must have come off,
to effortlessly,
slice into my finger
like I was soft melon.
I could almost hear the flesh object.
I knew instantly it was that fucker!
But then,
realizing I was mad at an
inanimate agentless object,
focused on the blood sliding over my finger
and put it under running water to expel
whatever bacteria and metal
was trying to invade my bloodstream.
Run you fucking white blood cells and platelets!
Run!
You have a job to do!
I fucking love platelets.
So handy.
It took an hour to finally clot.
Maybe a little more because,
I was being a baby.
I am so bummed out,
But you know,
this is me going back to being me.
Tapering off prednisone.
No question.
It altered my brain chemistry.
Temporarily. I had a
strange and wonderful experience,
if only for a few weeks,
my mind
full of clarity
and a singular sense of purpose
that matters,
and if even if it doesn’t matter,
it matters to me.
So much hope and love.
It was a cocktail of joy
I had never drunk.
Something new.
I was grateful for
everything
in my life,
was extra gentle with myself.
I even had a run of nights
where I went to sleep
excited
about what
the next day might bring.
It is fleetingly rare
to feel such anticipation about
the promise of tomorrow.
My life felt very
special and precious.
Every moment felt
special and precious.
I felt like, c’mon world,
show me what you got!
It hasn’t lasted.
I guess I should do those dishes.

——–

Equipment used: ASUS mixer, Apex Microphone, Windows 11, Audacity 3.7.1

With a shoutout to Kaz (@artbykaz.ca insta and threads) who reminded me that poetry is important too.