Have you ever asked yourself why so many of us first-gens ended up dating or marrying white people? I have! I see now that our immigrant parents’ survival strategies — keeping your head down, working hard, staying small — shaped ours. And for our generation, that survival often meant assimilation, performing the “white version” of ourselves — at work, in friendships, even in love.
In this intimate gup shup, I want you to know: you are not alone. Naming what’s happening, sharing our experiences together, and unpacking these survival strategies is necessary. I share what it’s like to wake up and realize we were digested, not seen — and how doing this deep work can actually strengthen relationships with white partners who met us as the “white version” of ourselves.
If we are raising biracial kids, this work becomes even more important. The more we understand ourselves, the more we can show them authenticity, self-respect, and the courage to claim their identity fully.
It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s necessary. Thriving doesn’t come from performing. It comes from standing fully in your truth, holding space for your partner, and building a foundation for the next generation to grow strong and confident in who they are.

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In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.