Have you ever worked incredibly hard toward a dream—only to feel like you’re not making any progress? What if the key wasn’t just trying harder, but trying smarter?

On this week’s Love University episode, we explore the science and psychology of effective trying—how to aim your efforts in the right way for the right goals. Whether you’re pursuing love, career success, health, or personal growth, this method can transform the way you approach your ambitions.

Here are the three game-changing insights we covered:

Meditate on Greatness
Too often, repeated setbacks cause us to give up entirely—a psychological phenomenon known as learned helplessness. The solution is to seek out role models who’ve already succeeded in what you want to do. For example, Heather, an HR professional, was unfulfilled in her career until she met a local congresswoman she admired. Volunteering for her campaign not only reignited Heather’s passion but also gave her a new career direction. By studying and connecting with those who’ve walked the path before you, you create a roadmap that can save you years of trial and error.

Reverse Your Trying
Sometimes effort works against you. When you push too hard—whether in relationships, business, or personal goals—you may create pressure that drives results away. Instead, step back. If your dating life feels stalled, shift your focus inward: pick up a hobby, travel, strengthen friendships. By letting go of the chase and becoming more grounded and fulfilled on your own, you naturally draw in the right opportunities to meet the right person. Reverse trying turns forced effort into effortless attraction.

Try for Your Don
Your Don—taken from the Spanish word for “gift”—is your natural, God-given talent. It’s the skill or passion that energizes you, inspires you, and allows you to contribute your best to the world. If you love cooking, you might look into a culinary career. Consider if numbers are your passion, then finance could be perfect for you. Or, if you need to feed your soul, a career in psychology or spirituality can be just what you need. When you work within your natural strengths, your energy increases, motivation rises, and you’ll find that success becomes not only possible—but sustainable.

The Three Tries aren’t about doing more—they’re about doing what works: learning from proven success, stepping back when over-effort is holding you back, and aiming for goals that align with your deepest talents. When you apply these steps, you start making real, lasting progress toward your biggest dreams.