Everyone becomes a narcissist when they're losing control. This realization might be uncomfortable, but it's one of the most important psychological insights we can embrace for healthier relationships.
When someone stops validating us, stops choosing us, or sets boundaries we don't like, few of us respond with immediate grace. Instead, we tighten our grip, call them selfish, and sometimes act exactly like what we claim to despise. Actual narcissistic personality disorder exists, but it's rare. What's common is the flare of narcissistic traits when we feel threatened – the entitlement, manipulation, and lack of empathy that emerge when our ego panics.
The term "narcissist" has morphed from a clinical diagnosis to an emotional weapon. We use it to invalidate others' boundaries and excuse our own behavior. But most people aren't narcissists – they're wounded, desperate for dignity, and perhaps finally standing up for themselves. The most revealing question isn't "are they a narcissist?" but "am I displaying narcissistic traits right now?" When we get angry at limits, spin stories to look better, recruit allies instead of seeking resolution, or punish others emotionally, we're looking in a mirror we'd rather avoid.
True healing doesn't start with labeling others. It begins with accountability – recognizing what we did, not what someone "made" us do. By focusing on behaviors instead of labels, we create space for growth. Because while behaviors can change with awareness, labels rarely do. Next time you're tempted to call someone a narcissist, ask yourself: are they toxic, or just done letting you call the shots?
Chapters:
0:00 The Control Paradox
3:00 Understanding True Narcissism
4:11 Why We Behave Narcissistically
5:01 Weaponization of the "Narcissist" Label
6:10 Recognizing Our Own Narcissistic Behaviors
7:00 Accountability Over Labeling
7:59 Identifying Genuine Narcissistic Patterns

Tap HERE for all Social Media, email, and Podcast platforms