“Where Are You Really From?”: A podcast that explores identities

Originally published on Global Voices

Image made by Ameya Nagarajan for Global Voices on Canva Pro.

“Where Are You REALLY From?” is a new podcast series from Global Voices that emerged from a panel at the December 2024 Global Voices summit in Nepal, where members of the Global Voices community shared their experiences of dealing with other people's perceptions about their diverse and complex origin stories. In each episode, we invite our guests to reflect on the assumptions that lie behind the question, “But where are you really from?” and how they respond.

The podcast is hosted by Akwe Amosu, who works in the human rights sector after an earlier career in journalism and is also a coach and a poet. She is a co-chair of the Global Voices board.

The transcript of this episode has been edited for clarity.

Akwe Amosu (AA): Hello and welcome to Where Are You Really From? A podcast that explores identities. I'm Akwe Amosu and today I'm speaking to Safa. Safa, why do people ask you that question?

Safa: Thank you so much for having me. People ask me that question because I am Palestinian, but I am diaspora Palestinian. I was born and raised not in Palestine, but in the United States, and now I live in Europe. And so people are often asking me that because they can tell that I have a different background I guess.

AA: And what's your reaction to being asked that question? What does it make you feel?

Safa: Oftentimes it depends on the situation but oftentimes I feel insecure because typically they start with oh where are you from and I give them an answer and then when they ask no but where are you really from that means they were not satisfied with my answer. It could be that the reason I gave my initial answer, maybe I said, oh, I'm from around here or I'm from wherever is because I'm kind of assessing the situation. I'm assessing like, okay, am I in a grocery checkout line and I just want to get out of here? Is there like a creepy person who's talking to me and I just want to end the conversation? Or is it someone fun at a party? And I actually do want to tell them, or I want to test the waters with something small. So when they ask that question, it feels very invasive.

AA: Is there something about being asked to reveal who you are that feels dangerous?

Safa: Yes. Yes, especially as a Palestinian. My entire life, it has been a precarious identity to share because I have always lived in spaces where people attribute certain ideologies or terms to me that are completely inaccurate and are actually quite discriminatory. For example, when I've told people before, “Oh, I'm Palestinian,” they have said to me, “Oh, so you're a terrorist.” :”Oh, so you're anti-Semitic,” which I am not. Absolutely not. I’m not either of those things and neither are most of the Palestinians I've ever known in my whole life. So it feels quite dangerous because when people have those ideas about you, it's not only offensive, but they act in a different way when they think that you are threatening. They act in a threatening and sometimes potentially violent way. So it is very scary.

Safa. Used with permission.

AA: So how do you usually answer when you get asked this question?

Safa: So if I feel safe, like let's say I'm at a party and someone's wearing a keffiyeh, or they've got like watermelon earrings on or something, I'm like, okay, I can tell them I'm Palestinian. You know, both of my parents are Palestinian. My mom was even born there, and I am really proud of that. I'm very proud of it. But if I'm not sure of the situation, or maybe I've identified that they said something that already felt a little bit, I'm not really sure about this. I might test the waters. So what I might say is “I'm Arab,” which is true. I might say “I am Jordanian,” of which technically I'm a passport holder. So technically that is correct on a nationality level, not on an identity level.

But if I feel very, very unsafe where I feel like, okay, They might be just straight up racist, or it's not a good situation, or I just don't want to engage. I might just say, “Oh, I was born in the US,” or I'm from this particular town in the US. And sometimes that satisfies people.

I also, very rarely, I've taken a sort of page out of my mother's book, which is just making something up completely. If I feel really unsafe or really annoyed that day, I might just say, “Oh, I'm French” or, “Oh, I'm Greek,” or just whatever, just to get them away from me.

AA: You're really revealing the complexity of having to answer these questions! Do you think that the people who ask you these questions know how complex it is and is there a way for them to ask the question that would be okay for you?

Safa: So I actually think usually people don't realize it's such a tricky question or it's such a loaded question. I've actually had conversations with people in the US and in Europe to kind of explain to them why this question feels so invasive or so sensitive. And their reaction has always been surprise, because, for them, some of these people just haven't had to think about it for more than a second, what safety means or what feeling like being under a microscope might feel like or being part of a group that's particularly hated against. And so I do think that the intentionality is oftentimes just like from a place of curiosity. But, you know, I do think that people sometimes take their curiosity too far because, at the end of the day, it is none of their business.

I think what I would like to see, and I've experienced some nice examples where I'll tell someone where I'm from, whatever answer I decide to answer, and I can tell that they look dissatisfied with my answer, but they don't inquire further, right? And I think in those moments, they recognize that I am not sure if I feel safe or comfortable in that setting, for whatever reason, let's say it's in front of a big group. And then I'll have people come to me one on one after to be like, so where did you say you were from? And maybe I'll give a different answer, maybe the same one.

I've also had people who just kind of focus on other attributes of my identity that are maybe more relatable to them. So if they ask where I'm from and they're not satisfied with my answer, they might ask me, “Oh, what do you do for your job?” And I like that. Or “Yeah, did you notice the weather? What do you like to do when it's sunny?” These questions that then get to the heart of who I am in a different way. Because of course my identity is an important part of the puzzle, but there are also other interesting things about me. And that's how I try to approach it with other people too.

I've also had people be a bit sneaky, which I think is fun and fine. And if they're not satisfied with my answer, they'll be like, “Oh, do you also speak other languages?” And that kind of gives it away too, to some extent, which I'm okay with, because then they're still inquiring in more of a curious and compassionate way, which I really appreciate.

AA: Is there anything else you want to say?

Safa: I do have to acknowledge that the moment we're having this conversation is a really difficult moment for Palestinians and actually for Arabs everywhere. We're really hurting right now. And I think in the same way that people… sometimes don't know how to breach the topic of where are you from. They also don't know how to breach the topic of talking to someone whose people are experiencing a genocide or also other types of tragedies and stress. And maybe just to share with those people to say, it's okay to be sloppy and It's okay as long as it comes from a place of compassion and that you are communicating that awkward feeling. Maybe instead of not saying anything, you might say, oh, wow, oh, you're Palestinian. I wish I had the right words to say right now, or I wish I knew how to talk about what's happening right now. I think there are ways to be so compassionate, you know, that open the door for more understanding, for more exchange.

AA: Thank you, Safa.

Safa: Thank you so much.