Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the players' disbelieving reactions to team-mates' wondergoals, goalkeepers who react furiously to Panenkas against them, the anxiety of shooting into an empty goal in a 5-a-side warm-up and a never-before-heard grievance about scoring penalty shootouts.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel assess Peter Crouch's "streets won't forget" 5-a-side lineup and wonder if some lamentable footballspeak in a political drama is not quite as it seems.

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