Why Covert Narcissists Pick Fights Before You Go Out

Fake Love and Flying Monkeys

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Why does it feel like the covert narcissist always knows how to ruin your mood—right before a party, dinner, or important event? If you’ve ever found yourself crying in the bathroom or cancelling plans because of a last-minute argument, this episode is for you.
In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I (Nova Gibson, narcissistic abuse counsellor and author of Fake Love) unpack exactly why covert narcissists pick fights before you go out—and how this emotionally manipulative tactic is actually a form of social sabotage and control.
In fact, I was recently interviewed by Mamamia, Australia’s largest women’s media platform, to talk about this exact phenomenon—known as “Occasion Theory.” You can read the full, incredibly relatable article here 👇
https://www.mamamia.com.au/occasion-theory-spotting-a-narcissist
Covert narcissists may not scream or yell. Instead, they play the victim, sulk, guilt-trip you, or twist your words—right before you’re about to go somewhere that doesn’t revolve around them. The goal? To control you, keep you emotionally off-balance, and make sure you never fully enjoy yourself without them.
In this episode, we explore:
✔️ Why covert narcissists always pick fights before happy events
✔️ How these “arguments” are designed to isolate and control
✔️ The emotional toll of being sabotaged before you even walk out the door
✔️ Real stories from clients who’ve experienced this pattern
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why can’t they just let me have one good night?” — you are not overreacting. It’s calculated. It’s common. And you’re not alone.

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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.

Nova xx

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