From Performance to Presence: The Holiday Shift That Brings Back the Magic (Especially After Betrayal)

What would it be like to actually feel the moment you’re working so hard to create?

In this powerful pre-Thanksgiving episode, Lora gets real about the way so many women — especially those healing after betrayal — kill themselves trying to stage the “perfect” holiday, only to feel numb, resentful, or empty inside.

From Hallmark-movie expectations to Norman Rockwell Thanksgivings, Lora unpacks how performance, perfectionism, control, and emotional over-functioning have been culturally trained into women… and how betrayal often ramps those patterns up even more.

You’ll learn why performance is actually a nervous system survival response (fawn/fix), how it quietly steals your joy, and what it means to shift into deep, grounded presence — so you can finally experience the love, connection, and magic you’ve been trying to manufacture for everyone else.

Just in time for the holidays, this episode is your invitation to stop chasing the moment… and start feeling it.

Top 3 Takeaways

Performance is how we manage love when we no longer trust it.
After betrayal and in dysfunctional family systems, performance becomes protection. We over-do, over-give, and over-function to cover our fear that love, safety, or support won’t be there.

Performance is a nervous system response — presence is where the healing happens.
Beyond fight/flight/freeze, Lora explains the “fourth F”: fawn/fix. That impulse to keep everyone happy, keep everything perfect, and pretend you’re fine is actually a trauma response that blocks creativity, intimacy, and joy.

Your joy was never stolen by betrayal — it was stolen by the patterns you learned before it.
Betrayal doesn’t destroy your joy; it uncovers the truth about all the ways you’ve been stealing it from yourself through scripts, shoulds, and chronic performance. Presence is how you get it back.

Favorite Quotes

“The harder we try to create the perfect experience, the further we drift from actually feeling it.”

“Performance is how we manage love when we no longer trust it.”

“Presence is our soul’s way of being felt.”

“Your joy has not been stolen by betrayal. Betrayal simply uncovers the truth about the behaviors that were stealing your joy long before.”

Free FLAUNT! Holiday Reset & Book Club

If this episode hit home, your next step is simple:

Join Lora on December 1st for a free live FLAUNT! Book Club & Workshop — a Holiday Reset designed to move you from performance to presence in real time.

You’ll:

Work with practices from FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self

Get tools to break your performance scripts and over-functioning habits

Have space to decompress after Thanksgiving and prepare for the rest of the season in a different way

Practice embodying presence so you can actually feel the joy you’re creating

Sign up free: TheFlauntBook.com

You don’t need to be “caught up” or have read the whole book. Just bring yourself, your copy, and a willingness to show up as you are.

Resources & Links

Free FLAUNT! Book Club + Workshop (Dec 1): TheFlauntBook.com

FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self – available wherever books are sold

Free Betrayal Recovery Toolkit: BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com

Learn more about Lora’s coaching & programs: LoraCheadle.com

LOVE THE SHOW? TAKE THE NEXT STEP

Don’t just listen—start healing.

Get your free downloadable guide on the “The Top Three Ways You Betray Yourself Every Day, and How to Stop” at www.burnoutorbetrayal.com. https://workplace-burnout.com/the-top-3-ways-you-betray-yourself-every-day-and-how-to-stop/

If you’re ready to Rise Up & Reign as the creator and queen of your life, let’s talk. I will walk by your side and give you the perspective, permission, and wisdom needed to turn your betrayal experience into something constructive, empowering, and transformative in all the right ways.

Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!

Download your Sparkle After Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com, a guide designed to help you take the first steps in feeling better, so you can reclaim your power, own your worth, and start putting yourself, and your life, back together again.

About Lora:

Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, TEDx speaker, and author of FLAUNT! and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal.

After uncovering her husband’s 15-year affair, she turned her own pain into purpose—helping high-achieving women reclaim their identity, power, and joy.

A trauma-aware coach, somatic therapist, and former attorney, Lora blends legal insight with emotional and spiritual healing for full-spectrum recovery.

She is the author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self (an International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller) and It’s Not Burnout, It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive. She also hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal. Learn more at www.loracheadle.com and follow me across all social!

Get the support you need to find your footing, begin making sense of it all, and feel better fast. As an attorney, betrayal recovery expert, and survivor of infidelity I can help you find the clarity and confidence to create a life that you love on the other side of betrayal. Book Your Session Here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/coaching-session

Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast! Take charge of your mental health and get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/FLAUNT

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