Don’t Like Their Friends? How to Guide Without Losing Trust

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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8d ago 13:10

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Have you ever looked at your child’s friends and thought, “This is not going to end well”? You’re not alone. But new research shows that stepping in and steering kids away from certain friendships can actually make things worse — leaving your child less accepted by peers, more anxious, and even more likely to act out.

In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie unpack the surprising dangers of interfering in your child’s friendships, why your good intentions can backfire, and how to guide your kids without damaging trust.

KEY POINTS

Why parental interference often increases risky behaviour and peer rejection.
The “forbidden fruit” effect — why the more you disapprove, the closer kids cling.
How criticism of a friend can sound like criticism of your child.
The power of trust: letting kids figure it out leads to stronger, healthier friendships.
What to do instead — shift from policing friendships to teaching what makes a good friend.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

"When you say, ‘I don’t like who you are when you’re with that friend,’ what your child really hears is, ‘I don’t like who you are.’"

RESOURCES

Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry study on parental interference in friendships.
Chris Niemiec (University of Rochester) research on “forbidden fruit” friendships.
How do I Keep my Daughter Away from her Boyfriend? [HF Article]
Supporting Autistic Children Course [NDIS approved]
#1103 I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Good Things Matter [HF Podcast episode on helping kids identify qualities of a good friend]

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

Pause before interfering — unless there’s bullying or real harm, stay out.
Have general conversations about what makes a good friend, rather than targeting specific friendships.
Trust your child’s ability to grow — most “bad” friendships naturally fade or transform with time.
Model positive relationships so your child sees what healthy friendship looks like.

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