You can hear me going through a drawer of beads, putting on a bracelet I made for myself in Laguna Beach 6 weeks ago and then I begin to cry. On my app, I have to hold down a button in order to record. I had just gotten done listening to a song I felt very connected to called “Belong” by DENM. It triggered loneliness and the realization that I live in an illusionary world where I desire to feel connected and can do so as long as I am overly optimistic in others or dumb myself down. The truth is, I don’t feel understood. I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel like I’m truly seen for who I am. Why am I even here? What torture chamber did I succumb to? I see the world as numb. Everyone’s trying to drug themselves to happy. Life is not bliss when happiness cannot be shared with those I love. And even the ones I love just don’t get it as they blame all their circumstances on their reflection. I feel so alone. And my angels for some reason wanted this recorded.