JD Vance says he's ready to be President after seven months of watching Trump work - that's less time than most people need to figure out their new job's healthcare benefits. Meanwhile, a TikTok physical therapist diagnosed Trump with six months to live through his phone screen, and Health Secretary RFK Jr. thinks he can spot children's mitochondrial problems just by people-watching at airports. We dive into Vance's NFL conspiracy theories about Taylor Swift rigging games for Travis Kelce, Trump's mysterious hand bruises covered with makeup, and why our government apparently runs on social media medical advice and supernatural airport diagnosis powers.