156. Beyond Good and Bad: Rethinking Your Feelings After Infidelity

After the Affair

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1M ago 22:16

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In this reflective episode, Luke explores why some people feel easy and others feel impossible, and how much of that is shaped by our beliefs. Drawing on intuition/gut feeling, judgement, and old wounds, he unpacks how the brain filters reality, why we mistake interpretations for facts, and what changes when we separate feelings from the ego’s instant verdict.

This is a practical reset: notice the story, strip back to facts, and choose the response that serves you now.

Key Takeaways

Beliefs = repeated thoughts. We keep thinking something until it feels “true”, then stop questioning it.
We don’t feel what “they” make us feel; we feel our interpretation. Two people can meet the same person and have different reactions — that’s the lens, not the person.
Feelings aren’t good or bad. They’re wanted/unwanted and context-appropriate (e.g., grief is appropriate after loss). Ego labels them and pushes us to react/avoid.
Old wounds get re-triggered. The body “remembers” past pain; current reactions can be echoes, not matches, to the present moment.
Progress is easy to miss. If you never look back, you’ll believe you haven’t moved. Audit your changes.
Power move: return to facts, question the narrative, and choose the response that helps Future-You.

Try This (micro-exercises)

Catch the cue: Notice “I can’t / I don’t / that’s just who I am.” That’s a belief flag.
Fact filter: Write the bare facts of a trigger (no adjectives). Then write your story. Separate them.
Clean slate check: If you’d never met this person/situation before, what else could be true?
Feelings audit: Name what you feel, then ask: “Is this wanted here? If not, what’s the smallest useful action?”

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#Society #Relationship #Luke Shillings