Best Xander Marin Qcode Podcasts (2025)

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E224: The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools 1:04:46

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3d ago1:04:46

1:04:46

There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode. We’re also shari…

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E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire 1:05:46

10d ago1:05:46

1:05:46

The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes. And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected: Resentment toward your partner A crushing imbalance in the mental load Feeling “touched out” 2…

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E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy 1:09:55

17d ago1:09:55

1:09:55

Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Not for a real-life person. But for their AI companion. Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships. From romantic connections with chatbots …

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E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more) 1:09:21

24d ago1:09:21

1:09:21

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask.Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies.From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatch…

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E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm 59:17

1M ago59:17

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The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And …

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E219: The Truth About Female Orgasm: Your Q’s Answered! 1:03:35

1M ago1:03:35

1:03:35

You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.” But what if… you don’t know? 👀 This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just d…

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E218 Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It pt. 2 1:02:46

2M ago1:02:46

1:02:46

You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend. Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything. Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is. These icks go way beyond op…

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E217: Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It 1:06:10

2M ago1:06:10

1:06:10

You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe. You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?! This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮 We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stop…

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E216: The Truth About Being Passive In Bed: And How To Take Control 56:22

2M ago56:22

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Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits. You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do. If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone. In today’s…

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E215: Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 55:52

2M ago55:52

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Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex? One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely. But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much y…

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E214: The Truth About Being Touch-Starved (Even In A Happy Relationship) 55:23

2M ago55:23

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This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust. But if you’ve found yourselve…

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E213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 1:06:13

3M ago1:06:13

1:06:13

Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠 We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men. This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the mome…

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E212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction” 1:17:40

3M ago1:17:40

1:17:40

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en) The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instincti…

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E211: Ask A Sex Therapist: Penis Pumps, Pegging, + Postpartum Sex 1:08:37

3M ago1:08:37

1:08:37

Ask a sex therapist is back! Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵 In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and …

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E210: How To Know When Enough Is Enough 1:06:43

3M ago1:06:43

1:06:43

Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood… Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected… This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship? Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushi…

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E209: Mental Load: The #1 Desire Killer 1:03:38

4M ago1:03:38

1:03:38

Does sex feel like a chore to you? According to 86% of our audience? Yes. Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list. But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all. Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keepin…

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E208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix 1:01:26

4M ago1:01:26

1:01:26

In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected. No grand gestures. No impossible checklists. Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically. Here’s wha…

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E207 The Foreplay Episode: The 5 Things We’re All Getting Wrong 1:07:33

4M ago1:07:33

1:07:33

Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy? We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here). Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. Bu…

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E206: Butt Stuff 101: Everything You’re Too Afraid To Ask 1:01:02

4M ago1:01:02

1:01:02

We’re bringing back a fan favorite this week… and yep, we’re going there. Butt stuff. 🍑 Back in 2021, we dropped an episode all about backdoor play, and it quickly became one of our most popular episodes of all time. With over 200 Pillow Talks episodes under our belts now, we figured it was time to make it a little easier to find the gems — so for …

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E205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You Want 56:18

5M ago56:18

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We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges. From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for…

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E204: Confessions Of An Overactive Bladder 55:58

5M ago55:58

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If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you. Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks t…

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E203: Is This Cheating? Part 2 1:09:28

5M ago1:09:28

1:09:28

Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch? What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex? A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀 This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?” And let’s ju…

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E202: Am I being defensive, or am I defending myself? 54:43

5M ago54:43

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We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself? This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just talking about it — we’re u…

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E201: Couples Coaching Session: They Love Each Other… So Why Does Their Sex Life Feel Stuck? 1:03:46

5M ago1:03:46

1:03:46

🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode! Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is. In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them fr…

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E200: 200 Episodes Later: Let’s Get Personal! (Ask Us Anything) 1:14:44

6M ago1:14:44

1:14:44

🎉 We made it to 200 episodes! 🎉 It’s wild to think about how far this podcast has come. There’s one thing we know for sure… we couldn’t have come this far without YOU. That’s why for this very special episode, we decided to celebrate by letting you ask us… …absolutely ANYTHING. And you didn’t disappoint. From personal confessions to relationship de…

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E199: Am I The Asshole? Masturbation, Snooping, and Jealousy 1:01:52

6M ago1:01:52

1:01:52

We’re back with a fan-favorite series—Am I The Asshole? 🎉 You know we love diving into the wildest relationship dilemmas, and today’s lineup is extra spicy. We’re tackling situations that might hit way too close to home, like: 🚨 Masturbating - do you have to tell your partner every time? 🚨 Journaling about a past relationship—cheating or harmless? …

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E198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex (Initiation Fixes You Need to Know) 54:58

6M ago54:58

54:58

Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating—but let’s be real… for most couples, it’s anything but smooth. Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help! We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re …

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E197: Ask A Sex Therapist - Resentment, Sexual Frustration, And The Death Grip 1:04:38

6M ago1:04:38

1:04:38

Ever wish you had a sex therapist on speed dial? We get so many questions every week (because you guys are THE BEST) that we just can’t get to them all—so today, we’re dedicating an entire episode to answering your biggest intimacy and relationship dilemmas. From navigating mismatched libidos to handling awkward bedroom moments, we’re here to break…

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E196: 90 Prompts to Transform Your Sex Life (We Answer Some Live!) 1:00:32

7M ago1:00:32

1:00:32

🔥 Let’s talk about sex—but let’s make it fun, flirty, and way less awkward. In this episode, we’re telling you about 90 spicy prompts designed to get you talking, laughing, and maybe even blushing with your partner. We’ll be pulling cards from our brand-spankin-new Sex Talks Card Deck and answering them live, sharing our hottest takes, and reading …

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E195: Giddyup, Cowgirl! Tips, Tricks, & Techniques For Maximum Pleasure 1:06:25

7M ago1:06:25

1:06:25

Cowgirl is one of the most empowering positions in the bedroom—so why do so many of us avoid it? 🤠 If you’ve ever felt awkward, unsure, or just plain tired when trying Cowgirl, this episode is for you! We’re breaking down everything you need to know to master this position with confidence—from why it’s one of the best for pleasure to how to move in…

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E194: What Your Partner Wishes You’d Stop Doing In The Bedroom Part 2 1:13:13

7M ago1:13:13

1:13:13

Have you ever wondered if there’s something you do in the bedroom that your partner secretly (or not-so-secretly) wishes you’d stop doing? Well, you’re not alone. A while back, we asked our audience this very question, and the responses came flooding in. So many, in fact, that we had to bring this topic back for Part 2! In today’s episode, we’re di…

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E193: The Things We Can’t Say In The Comments 1:08:30

7M ago1:08:30

1:08:30

Ever wonder what we really want to say when someone leaves a spicy comment on one of our social media posts? Well, you’re in for a treat. Social media has been an incredible way to connect with our community, share free resources, and help couples build their best relationships. But putting ourselves out there also means we encounter some… interest…

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E192: “Is This Normal?” Part 4 — Low Desire Husband, Never Had A Fight, & Baby Talk 51:26

8M ago51:26

51:26

We’re diving into part 4 of one of our favorite series, “Is This Normal?” We’ll be exploring topics like: Is it normal for my husband to have absolutely no sex drive? Is it normal to never have fought? Is it normal for my partner to talk in a baby voice and for it to turn me off? And even more of your questions! This episode is packed with real tal…

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E191: Breaking Free From Purity Culture And Religious Shame 1:07:59

8M ago1:07:59

1:07:59

If you were raised in Purity Culture, you already know how challenging it can be to overcome now that you’re an adult. You spent years being taught that it’s important for you to be wholesome, that pleasure is sinful, and that there are very specific rules you need to follow. In this episode, we’re sharing stories from people who were raised in Pur…

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E190: Am I Being Reasonable Or Ridiculous? 56:55

8M ago56:55

56:55

Have you ever wanted something from your partner, but found yourself wondering, “Am I asking too much?” Or has your partner ever asked you for something that didn’t feel reasonable to you? We asked our community to share some of their questionable relationship requests, and the responses were fascinating! Tune in as we break down the line between w…

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E189: Can We Have A Fresh Start? Or Is It Too Late? 53:35

8M ago53:35

53:35

It’s officially 2025 and you might be feeling like your relationship could use a fresh start. We asked our Instagram audience if they’ve ever wished for a fresh start in their relationship—and the responses came pouring in! We’re reading through your submissions, sharing our thoughts, and offering practical advice for anyone looking to refresh thei…

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E188: Is Your Ultimatum Going To Work? 46:52

9M ago46:52

46:52

We were feeling inspired… The Ultimatum is back on Netflix, and it was wild. It left us wondering if our own audience has ever given (or been given) a relationship ultimatum, so we asked! In this episode, we’re breaking down your ultimatums and sharing our opinions and advice. If you’ve ever considered giving an ultimatum - or if you’re just curiou…

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Episode 187: Am I The Asshole? The Holiday Edition Part 2 1:08:03

9M ago1:08:03

1:08:03

Tis the Season for DRAMA! We’re so excited to bring you another hilarious “Am I The Asshole?” episode this week. In the theme of the season, we’re doing another holiday edition. We’re talking about affairs, secret Santa mishaps, and a disastrous salmon situation. Get ready to grab your coziest blanket and cup of cocoa for this new episode of one of…

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Episode 186: Period Sex, Internal Vs External Processors, & Queer In A Straight Relationship 59:14

9M ago59:14

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There are a ton of topics we want to cover on this podcast, but sometimes we just don’t have enough material to make a full hour-long episode for each one. So we’re trying something new to give you our hottest takes and tips… a multi-topic episode! Today we’re talking about being non-hetero in a male-female relationship, period sex, and internal ve…

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Episode 185: How To Navigate Porn In Your Relationship 56:33

9M ago56:33

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Today we’re tackling one of the trickiest and most controversial topics we get asked about - porn. Is it OK to watch porn even if you’re in a relationship? Can it become addicting? Can you forbid your partner from watching it? In this episode we cover how porn affects you personally, pros and cons to bringing porn into your relationship, and what t…

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Episode 184: How To Get More Physical Intimacy From Your Partner 57:47

9M ago57:47

57:47

Do you want more physical intimacy in your relationship? In this episode, we’re talking about different kinds of physical intimacy, why it’s so important, how to ask your partner for more, and what to do if you’re worried they won’t understand. Links & Resources: Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your…

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Episode 183: How To Get More Emotional Intimacy From Your Partner 55:09

10M ago55:09

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Do you want more emotional intimacy in your relationship? In today’s episode, we’re covering what emotional intimacy actually is, how to get more of it in your relationship, and even what to do if your partner doesn’t understand what you want. Links & Resources: Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your …

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Episode 182: “Help! I’m Not Into My Partner’s Fantasy!” 1:02:35

10M ago1:02:35

1:02:35

What happens when you have a fantasy that your partner is just not into? When your “yum” is their “yuck” if you will. We asked our IG community for stories about times when their partner wanted to try something they weren’t into, or vice versa. Now, we’re sharing our best advice on how to handle the differences. Links & Resources: Sign up for our e…

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Episode 181: A Brutally Honest Relationship Check-In 1:04:37

10M ago1:04:37

1:04:37

How are we really doing? We had a plan to talk about a different topic, but once we sat down in front of the mics, we decided to go rogue and talk about what life has really been like recently. In today’s episode, we’re getting extra personal and sharing some of our ups and downs from the year so far. We’ve got details about all the tough decisions…

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Episode 180: Smash Or Pass: We Try The Weirdest Women’s Magazines Sex Tips 53:18

10M ago53:18

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It’s time for another edition of one of our most popular series, Smash or Pass! This is where we try out the internet’s weirdest sex tips, so you don’t have to! (We even recorded audio of ourselves trying out a lot of the tips…) Today’s theme is sex tips from 90’s and 00’s women’s magazines. Do these tips about “driving your man wild” actually work…

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Episode 179: All Your Female Orgasm Questions: Answered! 1:00:23

11M ago1:00:23

1:00:23

What’s the difference between a clitoral orgasm, g-spot orgasm, and cervical orgasm? What’s squirting? How common is it for women to orgasm multiple times in 1 session? Today we’re taking it back to the very first topic Vanessa became known for - female orgasm (Buzzfeed even called her The Orgasm Whisperer)! In this episode, Vanessa is answering so…

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Episode 178: Tie-Breakers: We Solve Your Relationship Standoffs 1:11:11

11M ago1:11:11

1:11:11

We’re bringing one of our favorite Instagram games to the podcast, Tie-Breakers! We asked our community to share some of the things that they just can’t agree on with their partner. We break the tie for them! We’ve got some interesting relationship stand-offs to dig into for this episode, like who is responsible for chores if only one of you works,…

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Episode 177: Why You Should Try Mutual Masturbation And How To Do It 45:20

11M ago45:20

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Mutual masturbation is one of the sexiest things you can do in the bedroom! But when we asked our audience if they had ever mutually masturbated with their partner, only 36% said yes. in today’s episode, we break down what mutual masturbation is, how to get comfortable and confident doing it, and how to take it to the next level! Links & Resources:…

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Episode 176: Is This Cheating? 1:00:44

11M ago1:00:44

1:00:44

Is it cheating to keep nudes from past relationships? Have an Only Fans account? Have a “work wife”? For this episode, we asked our community to tell us about a situation they’re in that has left them wondering, “Does this count as cheating?” The answers were fascinating, and we had a blast giving our hot takes. This is a great episode to listen to…

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Episode 175: “Should I Put Up With This In The Bedroom?” 1:06:05

12M ago1:06:05

1:06:05

Is there something your partner does in the bedroom that you’re not sure you should put up with? This episode was inspired by a message we got from a woman whose husband wears headphones and listens to podcasts while they have sex. She wanted to know if it was OK for her to be upset by this behavior. Minds blown, we turned to Instagram to ask peopl…