Best Paul Colaianni Podcasts (2025)

1
You being the center of their attention is most of the problem 32:05

4d ago32:05

32:05

What does it take for an abusive person to change? A whole lot (if they even want to change), but this one component of healing is often one of the hardest for them to stop. Their consistent focus on you can make their healing and change much more difficult, let alone having no time and space to heal yourself.…

1
Is that really you inside your head? 34:49

6d ago34:49

34:49

Our inner critic can be our own worst enemy. Knowing where that voice comes from and if what it's saying is actually true can mean the difference between your happiness and your sanity - hopefully you get to keep both!By Paul Colaianni

1
When someone wants to change who you are 35:17

11d ago35:17

35:17

The one-off difficulties in relationships are perfectly normal for everyone. They're not welcome, necessarily, but normal. But what happens when the "one-offs" become systemic? What happens when they are non-stop? That's when changes are inevitable.By Paul Colaianni

1
Some people are a black hole of suck all your life then they're gone 33:34

13d ago33:34

33:34

The person who has been a toxic presence in my and my family's life has died. It's not necessarily a normal episode, but hopefully you'll gain something from it as I share the story and the lessons.By Paul Colaianni

1
Those who never follow through what they say they're going to do 29:31

20d ago29:31

29:31

Some people seem to be stuck in a cycle of promises and no follow-through. When is enough enough? Some people use delay after delay to get away with never having to follow through with anything. Those people usually never change.By Paul Colaianni

1
When you want to be more than friends 44:56

27d ago44:56

44:56

What do you do when you ask a friend if they would like to be closer, but they say no? The ramifications on the friendship can be anywhere from nothing to complete disaster. Is there a way back to being friends after such an awkward event?By Paul Colaianni

1
The empty threats that keep the abuse cycle alive 32:46

1M ago32:46

32:46

When they threaten to leave or take something away from you, but they never follow through, expect them to repeat that behavior indefinitely. Empty threats are effective on those who fear them coming true. There is a way to stop the empty threats (but you probably won't like it).

1
When you should avoid making decisions with lasting consequences 34:08

1M ago34:08

34:08

Some decisions have a long-lasting effect. Sometimes that effect is positive; Sometimes it's not. . When you decide to get into or out of something, it's vital you don't set yourself up for failure and regret.By Paul Colaianni

1
Life isn't exactly fulfilling when you are holding on to upset toward someone 31:03

1M ago31:03

31:03

When you're holding on to that little bit of anger or upset about or toward someone else, maybe someone who is not even in your life anymore, it can decrease the quality of your happiness, maybe even diminishing it to a mere sliver of what it could be.By Paul Colaianni

1
Trying to figure out who the emotionally abusive person really is in the relationship 42:09

2M ago42:09

42:09

You'd think it'd be easy to figure out: The hurtful one is the abusive one. But what happens when the victim gets convinced they are the abuser? Determining that while in the abuse cycle can sometimes be very difficult. However, I make it very clear in this episode.By Paul Colaianni

1
Stay in control or let it go? 42:55

2M ago42:55

42:55

Do we have to carry the weight of our past negative experiences into our future? Staying in control and letting go of it have the very same effect. I get into more detail about that in this episode about choice.By Paul Colaianni

1
The games our loved ones play 38:22

2M ago38:22

38:22

"Go ahead, have a great time! Wait, are you leaving without me? What about my needs? No, I mean go ahead and have fun. I'll be good! Hey, don't feel bad about leaving me alone, I'll be fine. Oh, you don't feel bad? Why are you leaving me alone? How can you do this to me?" Need I say more?By Paul Colaianni

1
What is love? 53:49

2M ago53:49

53:49

How you define love will be what you get from it. If you don't have a definition for love, you may get stuck with something that appears to be love, but is really something else altogether. If you are 100% happy with the people you love in your life, skip this episode.By Paul Colaianni

1
When a relationship is not a relationship 25:22

2M ago25:22

25:22

"Everything's great with me," they say, as you sit there staring, confused, wondering what the hell you're missing because you're having a completely different experience as them. When is a relationship not an actual relationship anymore?By Paul Colaianni

1
Never put your faith in anyone who makes you feel unworthy 27:58

2M ago27:58

27:58

People who care about you should lift you up, not kick you when you're down. If someone keeps dragging you lower, trusting their words is like giving a vampire the keys to the blood bank.By Paul Colaianni

1
When every argument is petty and unresolved 38:54

3M ago38:54

38:54

Arguing isn't fun, but if it's going to happen, it should at least be productive. But what if it's never productive and you never get anything resolved? That's the question I tackle today.By Paul Colaianni

1
Don't lock yourself into a worse situation 32:10

3M ago32:10

32:10

When you get into an emotionally abusive relationship, you have no idea what you're walking into. When you figure it out, you might have to make some tough choices. One of those choices might lead to getting deeper into something you know is bad for you.By Paul Colaianni

1
The big life lessons that can change everything for the better 31:46

3M ago31:46

31:46

There are some life lessons that we have to force ourselves to go through in order to make our circumstances better. Those lessons can feel like a massive leap over a bottomless chasm. But the rewards for such a leap can mean the difference between living a full life or one restricted by fear and uncertainty.…

1
Am I really the problem? 48:44

3M ago48:44

48:44

If you find that you define yourself in a negative way based on someone else's perception of you, you must listen to this episode. Is what they're saying about you really true? If you think that, we need to address that right away.By Paul Colaianni

1
Should payback for bad behavior be a relationship norm? 48:33

3M ago48:33

48:33

What are your rights in a relationship with someone who is mistreating you or acting badly? Is it okay to get back at them and reciprocate with similar or worse behavior? What's fair in relationship warfare? Good question!By Paul Colaianni

1
Why abusive people need to maintain power and control over you 42:40

3M ago42:40

42:40

Some people just won't stop being hurtful. Why won't they stop? Are they just terrible people we have to accept and move on? Power and control is their M.O. and it's important you know why. For some there is hope. For others, well, it may take a lot more than hope to see change. https://loveandabuse.com…

1
Decluttering the overwhelmed brain 40:50

3M ago40:50

40:50

If you find your mind feels like an overstuffed closet, and your actual closet is also overstuffed, I'll try to help you balance the mental and physical clutter in this episode. It's a special episode that strays away from the norm, but hey, out of eleven years of doing this show, one off the beaten path isn't going to hurt.…

1
When empathy is used against you 37:35

4M ago37:35

37:35

Some people can be draining, especially if they play the victim after they've done bad behavior and expect you to empathize with them. Some people are very, very good at doing that. I talk about those people today.By Paul Colaianni

1
Those who hurt you have poor coping skills so give them a break... right? 44:23

4M ago44:23

44:23

Hurt people hurt people, so we should have compassion when they hurt us, right? You know the answer and I know the answer. How does the person who is hurting you start to change and heal, though? Lots to unpack here.By Paul Colaianni

1
What can keep you stuck with the same results over and over again 47:26

4M ago47:26

47:26

Our childhood coping mechanisms shape our adult relationships. Sometimes the old fears keep us from moving into new, better territory, keeping us stuck where we are.By Paul Colaianni

1
The gradual shift from who you were to who you became in the emotionally abusive relationship 49:13

4M ago49:13

49:13

The person you were before the difficult relationship almost always looks and feels different than the person you became while in the difficult relationship. And losing that part of yourself may make you think there's no way back. Sometimes, you can't even remember who you used to be.

1
Washing your hands of a problem that won't go away 38:05

4M ago38:05

38:05

Some problems won't go away until you walk away from them. But walking away can be hard... sometimes impossible. And sometimes it involves sacrifice. And is walking away the only answer?By Paul Colaianni

1
The pressure of sex and expectations in an established relationship 39:47

4M ago39:47

39:47

Sometimes emotional and sexual expectations can be challenging to balance in a long-term relationship... but do they have to be? Or is intimacy just difficult with certain people who seem entitled to receive it instead of trying to build it from the ground up?By Paul Colaianni

1
Feeling like you have no choice but to submit to ungrateful, uncaring people 1:10:20

5M ago1:10:20

1:10:20

You know the type: They do nothing and you do everything. In this episode, I share the struggle of a woman who has a rocky relationship with her adult daughter who moved back in with her. I share a lot of thoughts and lessons we can learn what we can do, if anything, when the other person in your life is making things unnecessarily harder.…

1
The growing resentment that can build when their hurtful behaviors never end 48:04

5M ago48:04

48:04

When someone keeps hurting you, you might blame yourself and think if you were only better, they'd stop. But as their hurtful behavior continues, resentment builds and you start questioning everything about yourself.

Podcasts Worth a Listen

Paul Colaianni Podcasts

Podcasts Worth a Listen

1
The Overwhelmed Brain

Paul Colaianni

1
Love and Abuse

Paul Colaianni

1
You being the center of their attention is most of the problem 32:05

1
Is that really you inside your head? 34:49

1
When someone wants to change who you are 35:17

1
Some people are a black hole of suck all your life then they're gone 33:34

1
Those who never follow through what they say they're going to do 29:31

1
When you want to be more than friends 44:56

1
The empty threats that keep the abuse cycle alive 32:46

1
When you should avoid making decisions with lasting consequences 34:08

1
Life isn't exactly fulfilling when you are holding on to upset toward someone 31:03

1
Trying to figure out who the emotionally abusive person really is in the relationship 42:09

1
Stay in control or let it go? 42:55

1
The games our loved ones play 38:22

1
What is love? 53:49

1
When a relationship is not a relationship 25:22

1
Never put your faith in anyone who makes you feel unworthy 27:58

1
When every argument is petty and unresolved 38:54

1
Don't lock yourself into a worse situation 32:10

1
The big life lessons that can change everything for the better 31:46

1
Am I really the problem? 48:44

1
Should payback for bad behavior be a relationship norm? 48:33

1
Why abusive people need to maintain power and control over you 42:40

1
Decluttering the overwhelmed brain 40:50

1
When empathy is used against you 37:35

1
Those who hurt you have poor coping skills so give them a break... right? 44:23

1
What can keep you stuck with the same results over and over again 47:26

1
The gradual shift from who you were to who you became in the emotionally abusive relationship 49:13

1
Washing your hands of a problem that won't go away 38:05

1
The pressure of sex and expectations in an established relationship 39:47

1
Feeling like you have no choice but to submit to ungrateful, uncaring people 1:10:20

1
The growing resentment that can build when their hurtful behaviors never end 48:04