'Sixty seconds? It takes almost 60 seconds to say your name!' 'Oh, how very droll! _ 24th of March 2025 - Somehow, 5,000 downloads happened. 'What began as something to do on a rainy day, I never imagined people from around the globe would enjoy. To you who’ve listened and enjoyed an episode or two—thank you!' _ © The recording may not be altered o…

'Sliva’s electric alacrity dispelled the team’s despondency!' _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without h…

'Eric and Phyllis are coming to dinner tonight.' 'Oh goodie, more ice cream for us—I guess they’ll enjoy their spoonful of self-control!' (maniacal laughter!) _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reprodu…

Reading Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861) was a prominent English poet of the Victorian era, renowned for her eloquent and passionate poetry. Born in County Durham, she gained literary acclaim with her collection "Sonnets from the Portuguese," which expresses her deep love for fellow poet Robert Browning. Note: The reading was recorded with a …

'Julia's little face lit up in loving delight as she hugged Teddy tightly—after Nana J's sedulous efforts and her unwavering sedulity lovingly restored 'teddy' back to life with every careful stitch!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson.…

'Here comes Paul, but what on earth is that ginormous thing he has on a leash?' 'Oh, that's his best friend, his ego. He likes to take it for walkies each day!' _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, repro…

'Do you know Des?' 'Oh, sure! He's gold—one of the more complacent people in the community.' 'Ah, I think you mean 'complaisant'—he’s always eager and willing to help.' _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clon…

Hey! Aunt Bea is on her way over, and she's bringing bucketloads of sweets! _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jeffe…

Reading Andrew Barton 'Banjo' Paterson, CBE (17 February 1864 – 5 February 1941). Patterson wrote the poem in 1896. It was originally published on the 25 July 1896 edition of the Sydney Mail. Mulga Bill's Bicycle tells the hilarious story of Mulga Bill, who thinks he's much better at cycling than he turns out to be. Note: The reading was recorded w…

Reading 'The black dog finds a troubled sleeper ...' 'To be or not to be' is probably the most famous soliloquy. Here is a man, unable to sleep, sitting on the side of his bed in the dark of night, wrestling with even darker thoughts and firmly in the grips of 'that black dog.' The reference to the 'black dog' is in honour of Mark Twain, who referr…

'And the Oscar goes to ....(drumroll, please) ...Lenny the Lugubrious!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferso…

'Where's dilatory Dan?' 'Sleeping of course!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his express cons…

'Juxtapose or Juxtaposition? Grab the popcorn; a showdown is a-comin’ to town!' _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas J…

'Mum, granddad's outside splashing around in the rain again!' 'Oh, that old pluviophile! __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jerem…

'Henry, quick! Call Father Jones—the beach is full of people apricating in public like there's no tomorrow!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Fl…

'I'm fine; I'm just in a desiderium state of mind today!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his …

Reading Andrew Barton 'Banjo' Paterson, CBE (17 February 1864 – 5 February 1941), was an Australian bush poet, journalist, and author widely considered one of Australia's greatest writers. He is noted for composing the internationally famous song "Waltzing Matilda." Paterson wrote the poem from the perspective of a city dweller who once met Clancy,…

Reading Mark Twain, born Samuel Langhorne Clemens on November 30, 1835, was a celebrated American writer and humorist, best known for "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" and "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn." He died on April 21, 1910. A Dog's Tale is one sad doggy story, you may need to grab the tissues! __ © The recording may not be altered or used for…

Reading Andrew Barton 'Banjo' Paterson, CBE (17 February 1864 – 5 February 1941), was an Australian bush poet, journalist, and author widely considered one of Australia's greatest writers. He is noted for composing the internationally famous song "Waltzing Matilda." "The Man from Ironbark" is a famous Australian poem by Banjo Paterson that tells th…

'What's Nigel doing over there?' 'He's making his way through the quotidian!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Je…

'He's a funny puck, isn't he?' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his express consent or that of …

Reading Sherwood Anderson was an American author born on September 13, 1876, and died on March 8, 1941. He is best known for his influential work 'Winesburg, Ohio,' published in 1919, which explores the lives of residents in a fictional small town. In "The Book of Grotesque," Anderson introduces the concept of the "grotesque," depicting distorted a…

'A dilemma or a dulcarnon? What’s the cuckoo got to do with it?' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson witho…

Meet 'flabbergasted'—the ultimate reaction when you find out your cat secretly runs a successful online business! __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice …

'Bill, the carefree pogonophile, takes great pleasure in proudly displaying his pogonotrophy for the world to admire!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the v…

Reading Charles John Huffam Dickens (1812-1870) was a writer and social critic who created some of the world's best-known fictional characters and is regarded as the greatest novelist of the Victorian era. The Story A mysterious man named Julius Slinkton enters the life of Mr. Sampson, the manager of a life assurance office. At first, Slinkton appe…

Reading 'Who doesn't want a bit more love?' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his express consen…

Reading Evelyn Francis McHale (September 20, 1923 – May 1, 1947) was an American book-keeper who jumped to her death from the 86th-floor observation deck of the Empire State Building. Robert Wiles, a photography student, took a picture of Evelyn where she lay on top of a crushed car. The photograph of the dead lady had a "beautiful" aesthetic quali…

Reading O. Henry, the pen name of William Sydney Porter, was an American short story writer known for his wit, wordplay, and twist endings. He was born on September 11, 1862. O. Henry’s stories often depicted the lives of everyday people in New York City and explored themes of love, sacrifice, and the ironies of life. He passed away on June 5, 1910…

'There goes Grantos, one rare diamond, a truly special individual indeed!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jeffe…

'Self-doubt has a loud voice—here’s a way to silence it!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his …

'Change is a component of time, and since time is always changing, so is the world we live in!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximu…

'Blimey, they cancelled again? Well, one thing can be said about Freddy and the Fickle: they are consistent!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of F…

'Who doesn't love to be in their company? They're such a jocund couple!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jeffers…

Grow strong from where you are! __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his express consent or that of…

'Nigel, your endless rumination will surely lead to your ruination!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson w…

'Poor Carl, he's a right old ninnyhammer!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his express consent…

'Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together, please, for Sir Reginald Fuzzyboots and his band, the Zoophilists!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voic…

'Did you hear the one about the politician they called the nodding marionette? Turns out, in the end, he was just another quockerwodger!' _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sou…

'Jeremy sat in venerable silence, basking in the august elegance of the cathedral.' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial or financial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. Voice Cloning or Voice Reproduction Without the express written consent of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thom…

'Shouldn't you be slowing down at your age?' 'Slow down? I’m in the vesperal period of my life, Sonny. Out of my way!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the v…

Agatha found a handwritten note from Cyril in her bag: "My darling, please rendezvous with me tonight at 7 p.m. Location: Our secluded amour. Before the dinner party, we must have a moment together, a romantic tête-à-tête." __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus J…

'They often took hand in walks together in the gloaming of summer days.' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jeffers…

'As Paul reflected on his past, he was filled with a deep sense of solecism, recalling the missteps that now shaped his life.' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitati…

'Let's catch the... um, the thingy to go downtown!' 'The thingy?' 'Yes! You know, that thing with lots of seats, a big steering wheel, a driver—what's it called?' 'Do you mean a bus?' 'Isn't that what just I said?' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Tho…

'Jan is always at the library. Why?' 'She's looking for a sapiophile.' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson…

'Hey, watch out for the afterclap!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his express consent or tha…

'Cody, please, for the love of all things delicious, manducate, manducate!' __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jeff…

"Nigel, come here, my bold swashbuckler of derring-do!" _ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating the voice of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson without his exp…

"The monthly meeting of the Ultracrepidarian Society will be held tonight at 7:30 p.m. Topic: Things We Know Nothing About!" __ © The recording may not be altered or used for commercial gain without the express written permission of Floydius-Maximus Jeremy Thomas Jefferson. No individual or entity may clone, reproduce, or record any sound imitating…