Best Vanessa And Xander Marin Podcasts (2025)

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E240: The Body Confidence Episode - How To Feel Good In Your Skin During Sex 1:11:18

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17h ago1:11:18

1:11:18

It’s officially that time of year when the New Year buzz is everywhere. Your feeds are full of fitness goals, habit resets, and “new year, new me” energy. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel healthier or build new routines, this season also tends to stir up a lot of feelings about our bodies… especially when it comes to intimacy. S…

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E239: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt. 3) 1:09:29

5d ago1:09:29

1:09:29

Text fights hit different. There’s something about seeing the exact words—line by line, timestamped, impossible to deny—that makes communication breakdowns painfully clear. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down a real text fight sent in by a community member. We walk through what went right, what went wrong, and where things quietly went off the …

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E238: Ask a Sex Therapist: Cycle Libido, Rough Sex & How to Sync Up Your O’s 1:04:55

13d ago1:04:55

1:04:55

Every week on Instagram we host “Ask Us Anything” question boxes… and every week we’re hit with hundreds of incredible questions we can’t possibly get to in Stories. So today we’re pulling back the curtain and taking some of those unanswered Qs and going deep — giving you the nuance, context, tips, reassurance, and real-talk sex ed you wish you got…

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E237: The Real Reason You’re Not Having More Sex 1:01:09

20d ago1:01:09

1:01:09

Having more sex isn’t actually about libido. (We know — that’s what everyone thinks the issue is.) In today’s episode, we’re breaking down what really gets in the way of wanting sex more often — and what you can do about it that doesn’t feel forced, pressured, or performative. We share the exact strategies we teach inside Deeper, all built around m…

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E236: Sex with Other People…Around: Our Holiday Do’s and Don’ts 47:03

27d ago47:03

47:03

It’s the season of gratitude, family time… and figuring out how to have sex quietly. 😅 This Thanksgiving, we’re throwing it back to one of our most iconic early episodes — all about having sex when other people are around. Whether you’re hosting the in-laws, crashing at your parents’ place, or sharing a wall with your roommates, this one’s for you.…

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E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it) 56:29

1M ago56:29

56:29

What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone? In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex. Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kin…

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E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All) 1:01:43

1M ago1:01:43

1:01:43

This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers! You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call. From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of…

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E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives) 57:45

2M ago57:45

57:45

Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life. We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindse…

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Rewind: In-Laws and Tricky Relationship Changes After Baby with Dr. Tracy Dalgleish ⁠⁠@drtracyd⁠⁠ 39:55

2M ago39:55

39:55

Have you ever found yourself navigating a tricky situation with your in-laws? In this conversation, Rachael interviews Dr. Tracy, a psychologist and couples therapist, all about the topic of in-laws and how they can affect relationships with significant others. Dr. Tracy provides lots of tips for communication and speaking up in uncomfortable situa…

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E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition 1:03:41

2M ago1:03:41

1:03:41

This week’s episode is a little spooky, a little silly, and a whole lot of sexy. Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a “Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or… maybe not…

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E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update) 1:17:45

2M ago1:17:45

1:17:45

We’ve always promised to keep things real with you — the good, the messy, and everything in between. And lately… life has been life-ing. In this episode, we’re opening up about what’s been going on behind the scenes — especially with Vanessa’s dad’s health — and how we’ve been navigating this season both personally and as a couple. We’ll talk about…

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Rewind: Reimagining Boyhood with Ruth Whippman 51:29

1M ago51:29

51:29

What does it mean to raise boys in a world where masculinity feels impossible to get right? This week on No One Told Us, Rachael is joined by author and cultural critic Ruth Whippman to talk about her powerful new book, BoyMom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity. We’re digging deep into the unspoken challenges of parenting boy…

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Rewind: We Have Good Reason to Be Angry with Yara Heary 42:09

2M ago42:09

42:09

Did you feel totally unprepared for just how angry you might feel after becoming a mom? You’re not alone. In this episode, Rachael sits down with psychologist Yara Heary to unpack why anger shows up so often in early motherhood and why it’s not something to feel ashamed of. Together, they explore the identity shifts that happen postpartum, the stra…

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E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without Overthinking It) 1:01:40

2M ago1:01:40

1:01:40

Let’s talk about oral. We’ve all had those moments where oral feels way more awkward than arousing. You’re lying there, overthinking everything: Do I smell weird? What do I do with my hands? Is my partner secretly counting down the seconds until it’s over? Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone. In this episode, we’re getting into the re…

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E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes 1:05:42

3M ago1:05:42

1:05:42

Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories. So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for. Get ready, because we’re tackl…

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Rewind: How to Fight for Your Rights at Work with Daphne Delvaux 49:01

3M ago49:01

49:01

In this episode, Rachael sits down with attorney and women’s rights advocate Daphne Delvaux to uncover what every working parent needs to know about their rights in the workplace. Known as The Mamattorney, Daphne has built her career fighting for fair treatment, equal pay, and family-friendly policies and she’s here to share the essential tools you…

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Rewind: Fostering a Secure Attachment with Michelle Charriere 41:39

2M ago41:39

41:39

Rachael chats with birth-to-five mental health specialist Michelle Charriere about what it really takes to build (and repair) a secure attachment with your child. They cover the four attachment styles, why repair matters more than perfection, and how to choose childcare that supports connection...plus real talk on daycare and sleep training without…

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E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.) 1:06:00

3M ago1:06:00

1:06:00

You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight. One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking. In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-fo…

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Rewind: Maintaining Intimacy After Kids with Vanessa & Xander Marin 36:30

2M ago36:30

36:30

Maintaining Intimacy After Kids with Vanessa & Xander Marin Parenthood changes a lot, including your relationship. In this episode, Rachael sits down with New York Times bestselling authors (and real-life couple) Vanessa and Xander Marin to talk about keeping intimacy alive after kids, the infamous “roommate phase,” and why honest conversations abo…

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E227: Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right 1:00:51

3M ago1:00:51

1:00:51

Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up. Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life star…

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E226: Foreplay Frustrations: How to Get More (and Better) Foreplay 1:04:54

3M ago1:04:54

1:04:54

Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience. No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.” The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the m…

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Rewind: Bridging Separation at Bedtime with Dr. Gordon Neufeld 42:06

3M ago42:06

42:06

Bridging Separation at Bedtime with Dr. Gordon Neufeld ⁠@neufeldinstitute⁠ This week Rachael has a very special guest, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, to discuss the importance of attachment and the challenges parents face when it comes to bedtime and sleep. Dr. Neufeld is a renowned authority on child development and you will learn so much in this powerful ep…

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Rewind: Challenging Our Individualistic Culture with Erin Spahr 38:31

3M ago38:31

38:31

Challenging Our Individualistic Culture with Erin Spahr ⁠@feminist.mom.therapist⁠ In this episode, Rachael interviews Erin Spahr, a licensed therapist, mother, and maternal mental health advocate. They discuss the intersection of feminism and motherhood, the lack of support and systemic oppression faced by women and parents, and the harmful effects…

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E225: The Truth About Sex and Aging: Menopause, Erectile Dysfunction, and Libido 1:03:38

3M ago1:03:38

1:03:38

Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope. This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging. We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot. 💛 In this episode, we cover: How old is too old to h…

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E224: The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools 1:04:46

4M ago1:04:46

1:04:46

There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode. We’re also shari…

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Rewind: Feeding Toddlers: Finding Joy in Family Meals with Nita and Jessica of 40:11

3M ago40:11

40:11

Feeding Toddlers: Finding Joy in Family Meals with Nita and Jessica of ⁠@happyhealthyeaters⁠ Have you ever struggled with picky eating or stressful mealtimes? This is so common- feeding toddlers can be very challenging! In this episode, Rachael speaks with Jessica and Nita, co-founders of Happy Healthy Eaters, ALL about feeding toddlers to make mea…

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Rewind: Managing Sensory Overwhelm in Parenthood with Larissa Geleris 39:24

4M ago39:24

39:24

Disclaimer: This episode is for entertainment and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Please seek immediate care from your physician if you have any concerns about your health. This week, Rachael sits down with occupational therapist Larissa Geleris of @steadyparents to explore a topic that hits home for so many parent…

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E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire 1:05:46

4M ago1:05:46

1:05:46

The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes. And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected: Resentment toward your partner A crushing imbalance in the mental load Feeling “touched out” 2…

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Rewind: Helping Kids Learn to Read (And Love It) with Miss Beth from Big City Readers 41:33

4M ago41:33

41:33

In this episode, Rachael sits down with literacy expert and beloved educator Beth Gaskill, known by her community as Miss Beth, to talk all about how children learn to read. From the science of reading (yep, it’s a science!) to why fun is essential in the process, this episode is packed with practical strategies for parents who want to support thei…

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E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy 1:09:55

4M ago1:09:55

1:09:55

Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Not for a real-life person. But for their AI companion. Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships. From romantic connections with chatbots …

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E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more) 1:09:21

4M ago1:09:21

1:09:21

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask.Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies.From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatch…

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Rewind: Independent Play: Practical Strategies for Simplifying Play with Lizzie Assa 44:32

4M ago44:32

44:32

Should parents play with their children? Or should children only play independently? Independent Play is such a polarizing topic! That’s why this week, Rachael and Lizzie Assa, founder of the Workspace for Children, talk all about the importance of play for children and how parents can foster the desire for a healthy balance between playing with ch…

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Rewind: Choosing the Right Daycare and Tips for Transitioning with Elise Disher 41:32

5M ago41:32

41:32

This week we're speaking with with Elise Disher, M. Ed all about choosing the right daycare and how to transition your child in as seamlessly as possible. Childcare is such an important topic for parents and we know it can be fraught with worry! Here's what Rachael and Elise discuss inside the episode: Why building relationships and attachment with…

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E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm 59:17

4M ago59:17

59:17

The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And …

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E219: The Truth About Female Orgasm: Your Q’s Answered! 1:03:35

5M ago1:03:35

1:03:35

You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.” But what if… you don’t know? 👀 This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just d…

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Episode 100: Behind the Mic (and the Madness): A Candid Q&A with Rachael & Marley 41:11

4M ago41:11

41:11

Episode 100: Behind the Mic (and the Madness): A Candid Q&A with Rachael & Marley In this very special 100th episode of No One Told Us, Rachael is joined by her most frequent (and most requested) guest, her husband, Marley —for an unfiltered, hilarious, and heartfelt conversation about parenting, partnership, and what it really looks like behind th…

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Episode 99: Inside the Mother Brain: How Parenthood Rewires Us with Chelsea Conaboy 35:15

4M ago35:15

35:15

Episode 99: Inside the Mother Brain: How Parenthood Rewires Us with Chelsea Conaboy In this episode, Rachael sits down with journalist and author Chelsea Conaboy to explore what really happens to the brain during pregnancy and postpartum. Drawing from her groundbreaking book Mother Brain, Chelsea unpacks the myth of maternal instinct and shares wha…

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E218 Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It pt. 2 1:02:46

5M ago1:02:46

1:02:46

You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend. Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything. Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is. These icks go way beyond op…

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E217: Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It 1:06:10

5M ago1:06:10

1:06:10

You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe. You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?! This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮 We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stop…

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Episode 98: Nutrition, Misinformation & Modern Motherhood with Dr. Jessica Nurick 46:13

5M ago46:13

46:13

Episode 98: Nutrition, Misinformation & Modern Motherhood with Dr. Jessica Nurick In this episode, Rachael sits down with nutrition scientist and registered dietitian Dr. Jessica Nurick to unpack the confusing world of nutrition, wellness, and parenting. From pregnancy food rules to the fear-based messaging around seed oils and formula, Dr. Nurick …

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Episode 97: Parenting Hacks, Playful Discipline & Toddler Tantrums with Chelsea Anderson 35:28

5M ago35:28

35:28

Episode 97: Parenting Hacks, Playful Discipline & Toddler Tantrums with Chelsea Anderson In this episode, Rachael sits down with parenting content creator and former babysitter Chelsea Anderson to talk all things tantrums, transitions, and the power of play. Chelsea shares her journey from marketing and babysitting to becoming a go-to voice for pra…

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E216: The Truth About Being Passive In Bed: And How To Take Control 56:22

6M ago56:22

56:22

Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits. You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do. If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone. In today’s…

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E215: Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 55:52

6M ago55:52

55:52

Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex? One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely. But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much y…

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Episode 96: How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids with Jancee Dunn 43:40

5M ago43:40

43:40

Episode 96: How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids with Jancee Dunn In this episode, Rachael sits down with journalist and author Jancee Dunn to talk about what really happens to relationships after kids enter the picture. Based on insights from her book How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids, Jancee shares her own story of how motherhood rocked …

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E214: The Truth About Being Touch-Starved (Even In A Happy Relationship) 55:23

6M ago55:23

55:23

This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust. But if you’ve found yourselve…

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Episode 95: Choosing Sobriety: A Real Talk on Alcohol, Motherhood & Identity with Meg Fee 36:04

5M ago36:04

36:04

Episode 95: Choosing Sobriety: A Real Talk on Alcohol, Motherhood & Identity with Meg Fee In this episode, Rachael sits down with Meg Fee, creator of the podcast More Than Sobriety, to talk about the complex, non-linear path to sobriety and how it intersects with motherhood. Meg shares her deeply personal story of questioning her relationship with …

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E213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 1:06:13

6M ago1:06:13

1:06:13

Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠 We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men. This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the mome…

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Episode 94: Parenting a Child with Disabilities with Casey Mouton 37:40

6M ago37:40

37:40

Episode 94: Parenting a Child with Disabilities with Casey Mouton In this episode, Rachael sits down with therapist and mom Casey Mouton to talk about the emotional and complex journey of parenting a child with disabilities. Casey opens up about her son’s diagnosis after a stroke at 10 months old, how it impacted her family, and the ways her person…

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Episode 93: Navigating the Grandparent-Parent Relationship: Boundaries, Expectations & Building Connection with Deedee Moore 35:32

6M ago35:32

35:32

Episode 93: Navigating the Grandparent-Parent Relationship: Boundaries, Expectations & Building Connection with Deedee Moore In this episode, Rachael sits down with Deedee Moore, creator of resources for modern grandparents, to talk about the often-unspoken complexities of grandparenting in today’s world. Together, they unpack everything from holid…

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E212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction” 1:17:40

6M ago1:17:40

1:17:40

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en) The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instincti…