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Welcome to TechOnion Radio—where Silicon Valley's fever dreams meet their satirical reckoning. Like TechCrunch had a wild night with The Onion and this audio abomination is their illegitimate child. Randomly, we peel back layers of tech absurdity until everyone's crying—from laughter or existential dread, we don't judge. From AI hallucinations to billionaires with Mars complexes, nothing is sacred and everything is content. Please support our mission to keep tech honest through satire by don ...
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#4 - USB Cable Apocalypse: How The #4 - Tech Industry Turned Connecting Things Into An Existential Crisis
16:33
16:33
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In a world where technological progress supposedly makes our lives easier, the humble USB cable stands as humanity's greatest monument to deliberate confusion. What began in 1995 as a simple idea to standardize connections has evolved into a sprawling, incomprehensible ecosystem that leaves even veteran engineers weeping in the cable aisle at any d…
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#3 - The Attention Arms Race: How China Weaponized Your Brain’s 8-Second Filter with TikTok While America Was Busy Making Content
11:29
11:29
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11:29
In the digital attention economy, content isn’t just dethroned—it’s been publicly executed, with its head on a pike outside the castle walls as a warning to others. While American tech companies were busy following Bill Gates‘ 1996 playbook that “Content is King,” China quietly engineered the most devastating psychological weapon since the inventio…
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#2 - CEO Replacement Speedrun: Tesla Board Secretly Attempts To Clone 2008 Elon Musk While Current Version Runs D.O.G.E
10:03
10:03
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10:03
In a shocking revelation that Tesla has vigorously denied with the corporate equivalent of “I did not have textual relations with that executive search firm,” the Wall Street Journal reported last week that Tesla’s board began contacting headhunters to find someone – anyone – who could replace Elon Musk as CEO while the billionaire was busy slashin…
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#1 Google I/O 2025: Hasty Announcements, Empty Wallets, and the World’s Most Expensive Digital Storage Locker
13:10
13:10
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In a dazzling display of corporate bravado that could only be described as “Steve Jobs, but make it confusing,” Google held its annual Google I/O 2025 conference yesterday, unveiling a smorgasbord of AI products that promise to revolutionize how quickly you can deplete your business bank account while simultaneously increasing your tech-induced exi…
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