Masculinity Without Essence

Psyche

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15d ago 11:14

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What comes after toxic masculinity?

In this solo episode, I take a deep dive into Ben Almassi’s book Nontoxic: Masculinity, Allyship, and Feminist Philosophy—a work that has stayed with me both intellectually and personally. Rather than simply critiquing harmful forms of masculinity, Almassi asks a more difficult and necessary question: if masculinity can be toxic, what might a non-toxic masculinity actually look like?

I explore this question by engaging three major tensions that many contemporary men—and clinicians who work with them—are facing right now.

First, I offer a respectful but critical examination of the mythopoetic men’s movement (think Robert Bly and Sam Keen). While acknowledging the movement’s compassion for male suffering, I reflect on how its emphasis on an essential, ancient masculinity—often recovered in separation from women—ultimately reinscribes the very gender boundaries it seeks to heal.

Second, I share my appreciation for Almassi’s central contribution: reframing masculinity not as an inner essence or fixed identity, but as a set of practices shaped through relationship, accountability, power, and history. This shift—from masculinity as something we are to something we do—opens up new possibilities for change, responsibility, and growth.

Finally, I speak personally about my own ongoing struggle to define masculinity in a way that avoids both unhealthy patriarchal norms and the abstract ideal of androgyny that, while philosophically compelling, often fails to resonate with men’s lived experience. Almassi’s concept of feminist allyship masculinity—grounded in what he calls “the unjust meantime”—offers a way to stay engaged with masculinity without mythologizing it or erasing it.

This episode is a slow, thoughtful conversation with a book—and with a question I don’t think has easy answers. If you’re interested in masculinity beyond slogans, purity narratives, or culture-war binaries, this one is for you.

If you'd like to read the book for yourself you can find it here for free.

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