Are you living in chaos—sure something’s wrong, but there’s no diagnosis yet? That’s where we meet Fran in Episode 288. Her mom changed the locks, accused her of stealing meds, refused help, and bounced in and out of the ER. Fran holds POA, but without clarity she feels powerless.

I began with my focusing prompt: “In six months from today, what would need to happen for you to say your caregiving journey is easier… keeping your own health and your relationships in mind?” Fran’s answer: clarity and proper care for Mom.

Here’s the hard truth we unpacked: capacity vs. competency. Until someone documents cognitive impairment, adults are entitled to make stupid decisions.

Adult Protective Services may investigate, but if the person still has capacity, they cannot force care. That’s why some families, like Fran’s, don’t get traction until a crisis leads to evaluation—or they pursue guardianship through the courts.

So what can you do today?

Name what you can and cannot control. You can ensure food, meds, bills, and safe transport; you cannot compel cooperation without legal authority. That isn’t failure—it’s reality.

Document patterns and keep asking for assessment. ER visits, delusions, unsafe choices—write them down. Patterns guide the next step.

Choose one self-kindness. I asked Fran for one action to make this easier. My suggestion to her—and to you: Be gracious to yourself. You’re doing what you can in a dimmer-switch season, not a light-switch fix.

This is why longitudinal community matters: steady prayer, coaching, and a place to ask the right questions before the wheels wobble. If this is your story, come closer—there’s a calm, biblical path forward.

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