The Unexpected Caregivers: Three Sons Reflect on Caring for Mothers With Dementia

AlzAuthors: Untangling Alzheimer's & Dementia

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In a conversation that challenges stereotypes and brings to light the unexpected realities of caregiving, this episode reveals the experiences of three men who stepped up to care for their mothers with dementia. It's a heartfelt exploration of grief, growth, and the bonds that are both tested and strengthened through caregiving.

Shattering Stereotypes: Men as Caregivers

We often associate caregiving with daughters, wives, and sisters, yet over 40% of caregivers are men. Many of them, like guests David Bredbenner, Alfredo Botello, and Vincent Zappacosta, find themselves in this role simply because "there really was no other option." Their stories reveal that caregiving isn’t just a woman’s job—it’s a human one.

Vincent shares, “My mother and I were always close and I just didn’t trust anyone else to take care of her, because nobody knew her as well as I did.” David talks about “reacting, firefighting, and suddenly you’re just drawn in, and before you know it, it becomes part of your routine.” Alfredo, navigating life as an only child, speaks honestly about how necessity and love for his mother collided the moment his stepfather passed away.

Lifestyle Overhauls and Personal Sacrifice

For each son, caring for their mothers led to seismic shifts in their daily lives. Plans are always tentative, boundaries are tested, and a new form of “parenting” emerges. As Alfredo vividly describes: “Nobody told me growing up that I'd have another kid in my 50s—only she’d be in her 80s and have opinions!” From rearranging work schedules to leaving reassuring Post-its for an anxious parent, the logistics become second nature, though the emotional toll lingers.

The men openly discuss balancing frustration, guilt, and even resentment with deep love. They offer comfort in recognizing that no one is “superhuman”: “It’s almost like we do expect ourselves to be perfect...and that never happened,” Christy reflects.

While the stories in “Sons Caring for Mothers” circle around men, the lessons ring true for anyone on a caregiving journey. There are no perfect solutions, only the imperfect, beautiful bonds of love, memory, and forgiveness.

After the Podcast

Learn more about David, Vincent, and Alfredo and purchase their books here.

Learn about the Moderators

Marianne Sciucco

Christy Byrne Yates

About the Podcast

AlzAuthors is the global community of authors writing about Alzheimer’s and dementia from personal experience to light the way for others. Our podcast introduces you to our authors who share their stories and insights to provide knowledge, comfort, and support. Please subscribe so you don’t miss a word. If our authors’ stories move you, please leave a review. And don’t forget to share our podcast with family and friends on their own dementia journeys.

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