Ears: The Soft Power of Listening - Part 4 (Episode 41) Seven Habits of Highly Effective Listeners (Continued) HIghlights

Listening well means to pay careful attention to what’s being said in a way that encourages people to continue to share even more of their story

The fourth habit of highly effective listeners: Don’t use your own stories to compete with others.

Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they're talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don’t tell them about how much you hate your job. It’s not the same. It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it is not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. (Celeste Headley - TED talk)

The fifth habit of highly effective listeners: Maintain good eye contact.

The sixth habit of highly effective listeners: Pay attention to your own non- verbal messages.

Almost all studies agree that 70-90% of all communication is non-verbal! We say more with our eyes, our facial expressions, our hands and our posture than we ever say with our words.

The seventh habit of highly effective listeners: Value periods of silence.

To be a good listener is to accept pauses and silences because filling them too soon prevents the speaker from communicating what they are perhaps struggling to say. It quashes elaboration and prevents real issues from coming to the surface. Just wait. Give the other person a chance to pick up where they left off. (Kate Murphy, You’re Not Listening)

To how many of these can you say, “Yes?” Let’s review:

1. I keep the focus of the conversation on the other person.
2. I stay mentally engaged.
3. I am cautious about giving advice.
4. I don’t use my own story to compete with others.
5. I maintain good eye contact.
6. I pay attention to my own non-verbal messages.
7. I value periods of silence.