What if the most powerful tool we have to reduce school violence isn’t a perfect policy, but a daily choice to truly see each other? That’s the heart of our conversation with educator and speaker Jesse Hansen, who has spent 21 years inside junior highs and high schools teaching the psychology of meanness—and how to break the hate cycle with sincere, strategic kindness.
We trace common motives behind school shootings—justice, revenge, and fame—and uncover the deeper driver connecting them: the desperate need to be seen. Jesse explains “grievance collecting,” the way small slights stack over years, and offers a practical, science-backed response teens can use when faced with cruelty. Instead of platitudes like “kill them with kindness,” she teaches a disarming script that creates cognitive dissonance: respond to active meanness with honest empathy and clear boundaries. It’s not weakness; it’s strength that rewrites the script and denies bullies the reaction they crave.
Jesse also shares the turning point that changed her own story, when a junior high principal combined firm accountability with genuine care and said, “I see you.” We talk about the power of one caring adult, how relational aggression weaponizes belonging, and why naming behaviors—exclusion, manipulation, isolation—helps kids stop taking cruelty personally. Then we dive into the Kindest Kid in America project, a nationwide effort that celebrates real acts of kindness by writing custom children’s books about the winners and surprising them at school assemblies. If violence can be contagious through notoriety, kindness can be even more contagious through recognition, storytelling, and community pride.
You’ll leave with practical language for hard moments, new ways to model strength with compassion online and off, and a simple invitation: be the adult who sees a child. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend, and nominate a student for Kindest Kid in America at kindestkidinamerica.com. Your story might be the one that changes theirs.

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