An "actual" play comedic narrative RPG podcast where the players are themselves characters living in a world built in a lab.
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The Not Actually Players RPG Crew Podcasts
Welcome to Astronomica, a science fiction OSR actual play podcast using the Stars Without Number RPG system. Join Star Master Stan and regular players Colin, Cullen, Geoff, and Kristen as they crew the definitely-not-piloted-by-a-rogue-AI ship The Admiral Grace. From encounters with magnificent space whales to battling intergalactic corporate scumbags, there is nothing this crew can't make way more complicated than it needs to be. Tag along every Wednesday and listen in as we learn that the ...
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Y'all, it's time for a dragon hunt! While Mackie finishes up a few things at the gas station, the rest of the team heads down to Silapinua 2 with the New Roman contingent in search of a freckled dragon moose. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform…
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With Birds As My Witness Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 021 The Intern has learned about Intern-focused cults, but it couldn't have been him who inspired them. In the game, Hellena and Urekas are helping Tagak and Teep get out of town. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsan…
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This week we're gearing up for Astronomicamp so please accept this offering of surprise guest (It's Cole, we're too excited, we can't keep it in) banter in lieu of a full episode. There may or may not be accidental - but minor - spoilers for near future episodes (but they won't make sense so don't worry about it). Send us a message through this wei…
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Hopper makes a new friend who is also an ancient WMD. Later, Auggie gets the call to go on a dragon hunt. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee time every Wednesday. Want even more from Team Meatba…
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Helping Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 020 No news is certainly good news when it comes to Rosie from accounting. Georg and Ruffort head over to help Beeb and Urekas and Hellena head over to help Tagak and Teep. Who will be more successful in their task? Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https:…
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In which Hilde gets her time in Hopper's Brain Surgery Bonanza. Meanwhile, CB and Pepperwillow mop up on the station, making certain to ask all their most important questions before leaving this place no doubt forever. Later, CB brings a mysterious box to Hopper and asks an important question: should we open it? If you enjoy the mildly unhinged ant…
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Sure, the Seomgim have had a whole hour or whatever to prep this bodega for an ambush but that won't stop us from walking right on into it. Later, Auggie loudly begs Hopper for emergency brain surgery and Hopper is shockingly able to contain his glee. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to …
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Something Something Coming Home to Roost Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 019 The Intern is back on his chronoscope... grind? The crew is still trying to figure out what they're going to do about the knock on the door. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patr…
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Team Meatbag continues on their quest to neutralize the consequences of their own actions. Fortunately, a bubbly new member of the (named) crew has some neat ideas your doctor definitely doesn't want you to know about. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcas…
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With Hilde downed from a mysterious ailment, CB observes a potential connection with a group of Seomgim. Team Meatbag comes to some concerning conclusions about their recent box-related investigations. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New e…
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Surprises Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 018 Harmony has a surprise for everyone that the Intern is excited about, and then Urekas has a surprise, too! Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lic…
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It's that special time in every sandbox game where the players run around collecting potential directions, plot hooks if you will. But don't let that stop you from enjoying this episode because it's very funny, we super secret double dog promise! If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subsc…
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First things first, we gotta get out of this Civilization Threat Level X jam or whatever. After that we can finally hit the dusty road and explore a brand new system. Silap Inua, here we come! If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes h…
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Somebody Should Check on That Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 017 The Intern mostly just wants to talk about Harmony and Don. The crew tries to figure out what to do now that the Sorceress is probably coming for them. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com . Patr…
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So...we picked up this box. And it *says* it's a Class X Civilization Threat and that obviously *means* we should just destroy it and collect our paycheck. But also, hear me out, what if we opened it? For science. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast pla…
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Time to do what Team Meatbag does best: turn a simple mission to impersonate a bunch of space bigots and steal their super special techno treasure into a slightly less simple mission to shoot holes in a bunch of space bigots. Will we remember the mission and make it out with the cargo in tact? Your guess is as good as mine! If you enjoy the mildly …
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Pancakes at Night Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 016 The Boss is concerned about how the party treats Beeb. Despite Beeb not even being in the episode, the party still manages to treat Beeb poorly. A well-kept secret from Harmony and Don's past is revealed. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts . Podcast website: htt…
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With Yazid and the Azes ready to sale off in the great Spinoff in the Sky, Team Meatbag has a conundrum: Stick around to shepherd the newest member of their fleet through unknown weeks of bureaucracy or high tale it out of the system quick before the ship with the big guns figures out they aren't the Burt. Either way, Lydia is getting a distressing…
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Cole may be gone from our RV but they're still in our hearts and also your ears for this one last episode. Let us introduce you to our newest franchisee in the Admiral Grace/Irish Goodbye Zero Liability Pirate Fleet Corporation: the Good Ship Violence! If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to…
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Rocks, Camels, and LevelsCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 015 The Intern explains how they're not quite playing the D&D we know. While traveling back to the Great Hall through the desert, the crew levels up. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com .Patreon: https://…
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Ep 226: Hiveminds and Hand Grenades Part 2
1:16:16
1:16:16
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In this week's extra long intro we say good bye to our favorite Violence Officer, Cole. If you're not into intros (or you're too sad to accept Cole's last out of game moments of banter), skip ahead to the 22 min mark for the recap. Meanwhile, in the actual meat of the episode, Yazid leads their crack team of marauders through a penetrating loss of …
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Ep 225: Hiveminds and Hand Grenades Part 1
1:17:09
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Now that we know the space battle turns out okay, time to check in with the away team we tossed directly into the path of our own missiles or whatever it is we shoot. Hey, didn't we promise Yazeed and crew that we *wouldn't* fire directly at them? If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subs…
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Leaving the FrameCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 014 The group got together at Don's in Klaoil and the Intern is feeling a bit of FOMO about it. In the game, the crew makes a turn to full robbery. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com .Patreon: https://www.patreo…
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Holy shit, you guys, this ship we're fighting sure is a lot better kitted out than we thought. Never fear, our definitely competent crew is for sure up to the task of not dying! If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at …
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After weeks and weeks of teasing a space fight, Stardaddy finally delivers. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee time every Wednesday. Want even more from Team Meatbag? Check us out online at www.…
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In the Sorceress's BoudoirCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 013 The Intern gets to use the chronoscope and uses it to investigate hot rocks. Harmony and Don invite everyone to Klaoil. The crew investigates the Sorceress's bedroom, starting with the weird door. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: http…
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A new complication stands between our intrepid crew and their attempt at the storied double pay day. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee time every Wednesday. Want even more from Team Meatbag? Ch…
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The first part of their plan completed with shocking competence, the crew of the Irish Goodbye tidies up some loose ends before jumping back to Argo. What will they find on the other side? Probably nothing, don't worry about it. Note: The main episode this week has the last bit of our struggle bus audio during the tech change over. Next week will b…
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The Intern's Boss has left... a voicemail? Having defeated the Sorceress, the crew "investigates" the tower. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com .Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires . Damian Lichtenstein as The Intern. Find him on Instagram https…
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While Mackie fiddles with the Shadrack's mechanics just enough to make it look catastrophically broken, Hilde and Hopper attempt to scare the ship's crew into accepting an "inoculation" against their mysterious contagion. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite pod…
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While CB takes the Irish Goodbye as an escort for the Basket in the Reeds, everyone else heads over to the damaged escort ship to see if they can't damage it a bit further. Don't worry, tho, if the away team succumbs to Stardaddy's machinations, it's all CB all the time ba-by! If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of mer…
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Coffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 011 Reminder that we're publishing every other week, now. The Intern experiments with a different genre of intro. Urekas has been Suggested away from the brewing battle by the Sorceress! Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com .Patre…
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With a plan firm-ishly in place, Team Meatbag heads to Lingurium for some piracy adjacent shenanigans. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee time every Wednesday. Want even more from Team Meatbag? …
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Hilde takes a trip back "home". Auggie recruits a new mark. Finally, the crew takes a look at Yazid's shady envelope of potential piratical postings. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee time ever…
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At The Sorceress's TableCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 010 Reminder that we're publishing fortnightly, now. Next episode will be released Sunday April 20th, 2025. The Intern talks about cool tech from world 62C. Harmony has a bath, Vafrus does some magic, and Rozafeen can't log on. The crew has joined the Sorceress at her magic table, certai…
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The crew continues their time on Argo. Yazid runs into some fellow Kondalese expats. Mackie makes friends with his own particular brand of nerd. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee time every Wed…
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Piles of Rocks, Small, Medium, and LargeCoffee, Cults, and Empires - Episode 009 We'll be releasing every other week starting soon. After this episode, we'll have episode 10 next week (Sunday April 6th, 2025), then we'll skip a week and be back with episode 11 on April 20th, 2025. The Intern has heard rumors that "Rosie from accounting" is to blame…
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The team splits up to make the most of their time on Argo. Yazid hits the back allies to rustle up some mercenary work while Auggie goes in search of a wealthy patron. Meanwhile, Team Chopper-Bopper (CB and Hopper) takes another stab at storming a hospital. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be su…
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Lizard CountryCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 008 The Intern has been doing research on the historical Urekas. Vafrus totally has a very real girlfriend. In the game, the crew deals with some lizards. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcriptsPodcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.comPatreon: https://www.patreo…
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As Team Meatbag finishes up their journey through metaspace, Argo 2 waits in blissful ignorance of the various terrors about to descend. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee time every Wednesday. …
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Don't Think of Anything IncriminatingCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 007 What's that? Actual work for the Intern?! Also, Don is still a magic-denier, and Urekas has a date with the Mindlord. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com .Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/…
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Hilde, Mackie, and Yazid deal with Lydia's sudden but inevitable attempt to break into the weapons locker. Auggie and Hopper continue testing on the obelisk. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpersons, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. New episodes hit the feed at midnight Tennessee t…
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Caught by the MindlordCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 006 The Intern starts to explore why the world worships him as a god. Tanam explains his extremely funny jokes. The party, caught by the Mindlord, have some explaining to do. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.…
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It's that most special of times, the start of a brand new arc! We're kicking things off with a bit more testing on the ol' obelisk which leads to an actual, honest to Space Oyster discovery. Also there's some light betrayal afoot, don't worry about it, nothing major. If you enjoy the mildly unhinged antics of Stardaddy and his band of merry madpers…
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Striking, Slapping, and InvestigatingCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 005 When the Intern is fired, the whole experiment world goes on strike. The crew does some actual investigation! Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcripts .Podcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com .Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffee…
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Oh man, you guys, time to find out if Auggie's brother is any good at being a Space Patrol captain. Spoiler: It's complicated. Special note: This one shot was recorded in the great hall of our accommodations and as such will sound very different from our usual show. Expect increased background noise in particular. If this isn't your jam, no worries…
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The Case of the Wormy AppleCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 004 The Intern searches for clues in unusual places. The crew goes to get breakfast. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcriptsPodcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.comPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/coffeecultsandempires Damian Lichtenstein as The …
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In lieu of a chat episode between arcs, we've got an exclusive treat just for you: Space Patrol! This very special one shot takes place in the home system of everyone's favorite xenoarchaeologist and all around good dude, Augustus Novus. It was recorded by a group of willing guinea pigs at the 2024 Astronomicon and features bonus appearances by Chr…
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Snacks, Sheets, and LiesCoffee, Cults, and Empires -- Episode 003 The management at the lab is having a closed door meeting, probably about the Intern. The party is offered a job and totally gets right to work. Transcripts: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.com/transcriptsPodcast website: https://www.coffeecultsandempires.comPatreon: https://www.pa…
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As the arc comes to a close, Team Meatbag holds an empty base party. Mackie puts on his commodore hat while he figures out next steps. Hilde expresses some doubts about the team's new philosophical approach while Yazid learns about past exploits. Later, Augie and Hilde score some extra cash while Hopper and Yazid take some new recruits to a bar fig…
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