It all began when I was just a kid, bouncing on my father’s knee. You see, I’m a podcaster, from a long line of podcasters. There was Podcastkhamen III, Ryuichi Podcast, Sir Augestine of Podcast, Drake Podcast, Old Sally Podcast, Otto Von Podcast, Bob Podcast, Salim al-Podcast, B.F. Podcast, Henriette Podcast, “Tennessee Kid” Podcast, Dev Podcasind…

Hey kids, upset that we only released a grand total of 7 episodes of Smashterpieces in the year 2024? Well, how about we make it up to you by giving you an episode that is way too long! It’s like three episodes in one! That’s how content works. There’s even a part 2 that will come out soon! Yeah!!By Joe DeVader & Melanie Ziemia

I present to you this lukewarm defense of the one named Boyd: yeah sure he sucks, and he’s bad at combat, and he got his ass beat by a child that one time, and the only girl his age thinks he’s a huge dumb loser, and nobody actually values his opinion, and he seems weirdly full of himself despite all the abuse, and he’s definitely never gonna be in…

Space. Some say it’s the final frontier, but I never watched Star Trek so honestly I wouldn’t say that. Nobody can hear you scream in space, though! … But I haven’t seen Alien, either. Neither of these things has anything to do with the topic of this episode, the only slight thread that can be found is the fact that they all take place in space to …

I don’t wanna write this episode description. You can’t make me write it. What did this game do for me that makes it deserve an episode description from Michelin five star episode description chef Joe? Oh, what, is it pretentious to give myself five stars? It’s called self-confidence and I’m usually devoid of it, unlike the protagonist of Smashterp…

So I’m talkin’ to this fella, right? And I says to him, I says, “I crashed my ship on this planet and now you tell me it’s planets? Two of ‘em?” And he says, here’s what he says, “my people are dying in an endless war between light and dark, please help us.” I say “fella listen up I just got here and you’re lookin’ for money? What is this, my most …

ATTENTION! If you or a loved one was diagnosed with “Possession” via a “Shadow Queen”, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Shadow Queen Possession is a rare Ghost Thing linked to crystal star exposure. Exposure to crystal stars on a skeleton’s ship, a fancy train, an unproperly sanitized fighting ring, a god awful tree, a creepy steeple,…

Hey, woah, bro! What you got there, bro? A hammer, bro? What are you, some kind of Hammer Bro, bro? Are you gonna hit me, bro? All because I pulled a harmless little prank, bro? It was just a prank, bro! Just because I turned your dad into a pig, bro? Just because I pig’d your dad, bro? You’re gonna hit me with a hammer, bro? Not cool, bro. Bruh, b…

2023 was the year of a lot of things. Playing Smashterpieces games was not one of them. We’ll be back soon with more Paper Mario (I promise).By Joe DeVader & Melanie Ziemia

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! ACTUALLY IT’S THURSDAY! THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY! ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAWL? A BOUT? A GOD DAMN DONNYBROOK? YOU’RE IN THE PIT, AND IT’S TIME FOR THE TITLE MATCH! IN ONE CORNER THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE SHINING, THE SPECTACULAR, THE FEATHER BOUND, THE BIRD, RAAAAAAWK HAAAAAAWK! IN THE OTHER CORNER THE MYSTERIOUS MUSTACHIOED MENA…

Space Log #223: We’ve landed on Planet Zebes but we have lost our power suits, and therefore have lost the shell that protects our small and fragile human bodies. Worry not, though, as the hard shell on our hearts still remains. Well, mine does, I can’t actually speak for Matt. Sadly this particular hard shell is only metaphorical, as the heart is …

I wanna be the very best, or at least passable in the eyes of my peers. See, that’s the difference between you and I. You pick a Charmander because it’s the only one that gets to learn fly when it’s fully evolved, but that’s just the easy route. It works, yeah. But have you ever considered a Squirtle? It’s the only one that doesn’t get any dual typ…

Say fellas, did somebody mention the Door to Darkness? Pokemon is coming.By Joe DeVader & Melanie Ziemia

Did you know that dogs can’t look up? This implies that the Doomslayer, who also cannot look up, is in fact not a person but a dog. The evidence is out there, mostly on Mars and in Hell, but it is out there. Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen the Doomslayer eat food? Of course not, cause he’s eating his dog food in secret to throw you off the tra…

Welcome to FASCAR, the channel where we talk about Fast Cars. Today we’re gonna talk about the fastest cars of all, the ones of the legendary F-Zero Grand Prix. They go very fast. They go extremely fast. Think of the fastest thing you know. A beautiful stallion? Faster. A regal cheetah? Faster. A tuned-up racecar? Faster. A jet like from that one m…

As I sit here on this battlefield, I think long and hard about the cost of this war. The lives lost (statistically like 7 or so), the wives widowed (I actually think our army only had three married people in it and two of them were married to each other), the blood spilt (this game is rated E for Everyone so honestly there really wasn’t any now tha…

Despite our many objections, another year has come and gone and time continues its merciless march forward. You may be tempted to feel anxious about the endless cycle of mortality slowly walking you towards a cliff, but we have just the remedy for that! Two guys talking about video games they already talked about on a podcast! Then looking forward …

Ah, sorry we’re late! You know, the weather and the traffic and all that, but at least we’re just in time for the holidays! I mean, it’s only been… Oh god, has it actually been that long? Oh no, oh jeez, oh dang… It’s fine, let’s just say we went off to war and that’s why we took so long, right? War wasn’t won in a day! A fact that we have learned …

Dearest, Bethanissa, I write to you from an island that I’m told not many return from once they have breached its shores. It’s cold here, the pegasus knights have had to chip the ice off their mounts’ wings using the spare axes in the caravan, the fires have barely been able to keep us warm. A cloaked gentleman popped out of a basement roughly thre…

This Fire Emblem game looks really weird The war will continue soon, more Fire Emblem is to come!By Joe DeVader & Melanie Ziemia

Draw thy blade, it is time to enter the world of war and strife, struggle and conflict, death and resets. Here there is no happiness, only pain, but there could be happiness at the end of this tunnel. The only way to find out is to fight. Florina died again. Today’s episode is discussing the first ten chapters of Smashterpiece #43: Fire Emblem: The…

Hello everyone, this is Matt. I’ve wrested Joe’s keyboard away from him to bring you this urgent message: I’m being held hostage in game #42: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, and I need you to come save me. I believe I’m being kept in a bad dungeon, which I understand doesn’t narrow it down very much. Oh god, he’s coming, make sure you burn thi…

Oh god Wind Waker’s taking forever, this is technically our third bonus episode in a row, what have we do-… Oh uh, hey I didn’t see you there! Uh… P-pirate crocodiles, am I right? What’s up with them? They kidnap your friend and you have to take your girlfriend to beat them up? And your girlfriend has hair that she can like… uh… she can pick stuff …

Do you feel that? The dread? The fear? The anxiety? Mostly the dread though, it’s the one that’s in the title so I guess it’s the most important. Please stop talking, or that evil robot is going to find us. What? I’m the one who’s been talking this whole time? Have I at least been telling you about this new bonus episode from Smashterpieces on 2021…

Your mission is simple: you’ll be sent in solo and quietly, armed with nothing but a single handgun. All other equipment will have to be procured on site. We don’t know what you’ll find in there, but satellite imagery doesn’t paint a pretty picture. Your orders are to kill on sight, do not attempt to speak to the targets about anything, do not enga…

In the reaches of space, below the surface of planet Plagiarism, Joe and Melanie faced video games. They destroyed their operation, wiped out the parasites called gamers, and defeated Mother Brain. But the games were far from finished… Because they still have like 40 of them left on their list. One of those games is Smashterpiece #41: Metroid Prime…

Look, I want to write a snappy, surreal, weird description for this episode but frankly this game already does so much of my work for me that it feels like cheating. I mean come on, the main villain’s name is Brad. It’s just Brad. Everybody else is named like Saki or Airan or Achi and then there’s just a dude named Brad. How am I supposed to compet…

Hello, I am writing to you from a jail cell on the beautiful, tropical Isle Delfino. I know that may sound like I am in a setting most would only dream, full of swaying palm trees, sunny beaches, and drinks that are five types of alcohol dumped into a coconut, but I regret to inform you that I am having no such experience. Upon disembarking the pla…

Look, normally this would be where I wrote this weird abstract abomination to the English language that would cause everybody reading to reach out and ask if I’m okay, but I don’t know, man… 2021 was not a great year for most people, ourselves included. But that doesn’t mean that Smashterpieces did not have a banger of a year. We have to take stock…

One fateful day in the year 1925, somebody drew some sketches of mice around a picture of Walt Disney. Eventually in 1928 that led to the creation of Mickey Mouse in the cartoon short Steamboat Willie (I should note it was not Walt who designed this character but was instead his friend and colleague Ub Iwerks). From there he was like a runaway stea…

Alright, folks, let’s continue today’s tour of the Video Game Historical Excavation Site. Oh, what’s this? One of our excavators appears to have found something in the soft earth! Why, it’s a copy of a platformer from the long bygone era of 2002! I’m afraid this discovery means that we must shut down the site to visitors for the day, but don’t you …

Yet another milestone on our timeline has been reached! Today we talk about the game that refuses to die, no matter what those surrounding it do or say. A competitive titan, a wavedashing masterpiece, a space fox’s dream. That’s right, everybody, today we discuss the legendary Super Smash Bros Melee, the early GameCube title that would take the fou…

CAPTAIN’S LOG: We have crash landed on an alien planet, the various parts of our craft have been scattered amongst the foliage. For awhile we were able to scrounge up the necessary resources we needed to survive but at around the two week mark our inspiring story with themes of determination and grit quickly transformed into a tragedy. Joe was the …

Hello and welcome to our latest seminar on the housing market in the Mushroom Kingdom, I know you’re all dying to get started so I’ll make this quick. Our usual speakers are here but we have also prepared a guest speaker presentation on the subject of what to do if you win a mansion in a contest you don’t remember winning, only to find that the man…

Welcome to the first and likely final meeting of this HOA, we’re glad you’ve taken the time out of your busy schedule to be with us today. We don’t want to keep you here for too long so let’s just go ahead and jump into it, shall we? Today’s agenda is a collection of neighborhood complaints from the town of Smash that have been combined to form wha…

Hello and welcome, we’re delighted that you have chosen to join us on the Smashterpieces Pokémon Photo Safari Extravaganza. Please remember to keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, Smashterpieces will not be held responsible for any loss of limb or other bodily harm you may sustain during your time spent with us. Each of you has…

All rise for the honorable Judge Toadsworth. Today we find ourselves at the trial of one of history’s greatest monsters. This sick individual took advantage of the tired and weary at the worst possible moment, sick and desperate they clung to his lab coat begging for a cure he knew he did not have, and yet… he persisted. Ladies and gentlemen of the…

The crowd cheers, the combatants face each other. Here come the pokéballs, the battle is about to begin in earnest! Oh, it’s Alakazam! Oh, it’s Wooper! This does not seem like a fair fight, but let’s see how it plays out. Well, that Alakazam was knocked out before I even had a chance to blink, what an amazing battle this has been. While we wait for…

Let us look back, far into the past (roughly around 2001, so basically ancient). In the wondrous land of “Bun-Jee” a small single celled organism called “combat” enjoyed a carefree existence. But one day combat found itself in the shadow of a larger being called a MICROSOFT. At first it was afraid, but eventually the two formed a symbiotic relation…

Hello, we’re back once agaI’M GONNA WIN! … We are here to talk abouYOU’VE HAD IT! … Can I please just get a full sentence out beCAN’T WIN ‘EM ALL! … This is seriously gratiYOU’RE WASTING MY TIME! I beg of you, just let me… oh, they’re done. Cool. Today’s discussion is about Smashterpiece #32: Pokémon Puzzle League, a reskin of Tetris Attack which i…

We’ve heard the words of many a wise guide throughout our years, a mentor or simply a person on the street trying to give us words to uplift us in a time of struggle. Sometimes however these beings of great knowledge instead ask us questions, ones meant to help us come up with our own wisdom that we too can pass on to those who come after. So we pa…

Look, all I’m saying is that we were all sitting around, minding our own business, playin’ a nice friendly game of poker. Then BOOM. A witch blows up our house, does that seem fair to you? Really should’ve paid extra for that witch insurance… also probably should have taken out a life insurance policy on Bottles. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. Today’…

The conclusion of our Bear & Bird adventure is coming soon, but for now it’s New Year’s Eve and it seems fitting to take this opportunity to look back and then look forward. We released episodes on ten games from our list this year, starting with Game & Watch Gallery and ending out on Majora’s Mask. What are our main takeaways from these experience…

It’s time to take a brief detour from our witch hunting adventures and head back up into space real quick. We hear there’s some parasites that are just no good! Today’s bonus episode is on the 2002 Game Boy Advance title Metroid Fusion, where we join Samus on her journey to defeat the X Parasites. How do we think this game compares to Super Metroid…

The clock tower bell chimes, the shadow of the moon looms close. A sense of despair fills the air. Surely this couldn’t actually happen, right? The sad truth is that it can, and it is. We have three days. Today’s episode is to discuss a game close to both of our hearts, Smashterpiece #30: The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. Why is it that we love t…

We may be done with Castlevania on our main lineup, but it’s impossible to ignore the fact that we haven’t touched one of its most iconic entries. This bonus episode features our discussion on one of the most famous genre shifts in gaming history, establishing itself as the second half of an entire genre title. It’s really too bad that we’re both j…

A shower of beautiful prismatic shards falls down all around us, raining from the heavens in a sparkling display of splendor. Looking around at this wonder of nature, only one thought crosses my mind… We better get under shelter, those things are probably falling at terminal velocity. While we’re there, let’s talk about Kirby! It’s time for Smashte…

We have collected, collected some more, and then collected all over again. The collecting has worked to forge us into higher beings, made powerful by the immense potassium we have ingested that would kill any lesser ape were they to devour the bananas we have endured. Now, in our gluttonous sleep, there is only one question left to ask: how the hel…

Back in the olden days of 2019 we spent about three months both playing Final Fantasy VII, one of the most iconic and influential JRPGs ever made, for the first time. As luck would have it this was done just in time for Square Enix to release the first part of their heavily requested and highly anticipated remake. So how did it turn out? Is it comp…

Pull out your camera, grab a handful of apples, and tune up your poke flute, we’re going on a safari! We’ve finally hit our first trip into the biggest media franchise in existence, even if it happens to be through a spinoff game. It’s time for Smashterpiece #27: Pokémon Snap, a strange little rail shooter where your only real goal is to get the be…