Best Ham Fisted Podcasts (2026)

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 013 - We Go Where Elves Dare 1:22:39

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5d ago1:22:39

1:22:39

It's time for the winter holidays, and that means a break from the old routine. Join Crispy D (Mike) and Piper (Amber) on a fun Christmas rolick as they fill in for Santa Claus, who is too busy to deliver gifts this year! Opening poem and additional segments performed by Tony C. The song RITES OF PASSAGE is by Scott Buckley YouTube: https://www.you…

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Cussler Hustlers S11 E1: We Love Our Flaming Holes 55:08

5d ago55:08

55:08

IT BEGINS! Sahara, the long-awaited start to the Modern Pitt Era. Not one, not two, but THREE prologues set the stage for a mystery that seems... well, not that mysterious, to be honest. They basically tell us directly who the bad guy is, and what the evil plot is, but there's so many unanswered questions floating around and it's clear Clive is hav…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 012 - Best of: Volume One 1:52:31

18d ago1:52:31

1:52:31

Amber is off fulfilling her dream of being a gaucho, and as a result we weren't able to record an episode this week, but please enjoy this best of compilation collecting the best bits from episodes 1 through 6! Highlights include: Tickle Thine Elmo, SPAP, Primal Lung Therapy, Extreme Hoarders, snakes with boobs, Double Beastiality, thigh titties, V…

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Pitt Stop #7: Epoxy & Psychosis 46:35

19d ago46:35

46:35

A much delayed Pitt Stop this week! Nancy was originally going to host a How It's Made about adhesives, but she got pulled down a new hyperfixation during her research, so MOST of this week's episode is about Diseases That Present As Madness! Get ready to get bummed out about rare diseases, and HOPEFULLY excited for all the great advancements being…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 011 - Nice to Fist You! 1:56:28

29d ago1:56:28

1:56:28

Tom's just a gravy-eatin' fool. Black market penile surgery. Amber shares Fall holidays and celebrations in various countries. A mouthful of nipples. The gang gives thanks. Mike found a website that does Mad Libs. Terrible, offensive Mad Libs. Tom shares words that sound dirty but aren't. What kind of Fall companion are you? YouTube: https://www.yo…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 010 - Dr. Mike's White Hot 2:01:45

1M ago2:01:45

2:01:45

amber is a little stuffed treasure chest. Amber shares crazy celebrity quotes. Mike has two buttholes. Mike challenges Amber and Tom to identify which birds are real and which are made up. Tom asks: can you spot the fake conspiracy theories from the ones people actually believe? The gang takes a fall-activity-oriented quiz. YouTube: https://www.you…

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Pitt Stop #6: Fitzroy Scott! 53:19

2M ago53:19

53:19

This week we take a distracted detour through the land of parallel fiction and meet Cussler Hustler's iconic new action hero! Fitzroy Scott is the scion of a billionaire tech magnate, he's the sexy man all the ladies want... and he works at the post office! When a random parcel from 200 years ago sets off his radiation detector, Fitzy is pulled int…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 009 - Haunted Ham Balls 2:24:24

2M ago2:24:24

2:24:24

Mike tells the story of Pencil Dick. Amber quizzes Tom and Mike on the finer points of spellcraft. 3:33 AM - the Devil's Coffee Break. Mike shares Halloween triva. Tom shares some famous least meals and last words from death row inmates. The gang finds out what type of slasher movie monster they would be. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TMAMultiv…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E9 Finale: SeaQuest-DSMV 58:18

2M ago58:18

58:18

Although we start the episode discussing how best to shave your hog, this REALLY IS the explosive climax of our tenth Dirk Pitt Adventure! Just like how there's no rule that says a dog can't play basketball, there's no rules against Peace Crimes, and that conceit gets stretched to its absolute limit. Multiple nukes are detonated, and the only lasti…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 008 - Metamucil Pudding 2:00:32

2M ago2:00:32

2:00:32

Tom is a pie-bald incel Redditor, apparently. Amber asks Tom and Mike to discern which crazy carnival food is real and which is made up, making everyone really hungry. Mike tells some jokes. Tom tries out his best pickup lines. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TMAMultiverse Podbean: https://storytimewithtomandmike.podbean.com Songs from the Multiv…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E8: Ham, Meet Fist 53:10

3M ago53:10

53:10

Grab your Soup Helmets, everyone, and buckle in for some high-flying, robot-zapping, Toshie-squeezing high-octane excitement! Bombs go off, but nothing gets damaged. Dirk dogfights the Japanese military, but no-one gets hurt. And finally, the villainous villains at the heart of our story drop the hammer and NUKE AMERICA... destroying one farmer and…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 007 - The Meatball Connection 2:02:21

3M ago2:02:21

2:02:21

Amber has dreams about giving birth to kittens and Mike just wants to hatefuck everything. Amber shares more interesting international idioms. Gelfax returns, humbled and proverbial hat in hand. Mike shares more interesting trivia. Tom tests Mike and Amber's knowledge of D&D spells. Quiz of the week: what personalized horror movie is right for Perr…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E7: Operation Kill Everyone 1:00:23

3M ago1:00:23

1:00:23

The caper has been foiled, people! Everyone has been captured, all of America's plans were for naught, and now Dirk is going to be hunted for sport. But first... Welcome To The Great Kaiten Bake-Off! Your hosts, Topper and Nancy, are here to be your guides through the unnecessarily detailed world of Japanese haute cuisine and supervillain monologue…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 006 - Scrapin' the Back of the Cave 2:07:57

3M ago2:07:57

2:07:57

Tom catches his hand on fire, and later has a drug wizard battle, and somehow these two things are not at all related. Amber finds out if Tom and Mike can guess the difference between Pokemon and prescription drugs. Bingo dancing. Mike tries to answer questions posed by song titles. Tom shares some of his weirdest finds on Amazon. Tom is kidnapped …

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E6: 30 Odd Foot Of Dirk 48:55

4M ago48:55

48:55

We've finally got a caper, people! High-tech hijinks! The US government decides to send the COMPETENT spies into Ajima Island and Project Kaiten (after some... questionable plastic surgery), and our plucky heroes Al and Dirk are press-ganged into being a distraction, something they're uniquely qualified for. Artificial intelligence proves that it's…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 005 - The Vagankle Monologues 1:34:50

4M ago1:34:50

1:34:50

Tom obtains a mannequin. Amber runs Tom and Mike through a few rounds of Is It a Church, or A Weed Dispensary? Stick it in your vagankle and smoke it! Mike shares more weird trivia (talking points: the world toilet to mobile phone ratio is disparaging, which toothpaste is best to eat in a pinch?, the fifth dentist, are Bill and Brian Doyle Murray r…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E5: Smarty Rocket Pants 45:16

4M ago45:16

45:16

And suddenly... a FAX arrives! Terrible, horrible, no-good very-bad fates await most of the secondary characters in this episode, which I feel is a nice way to cull the chaff and keep Dirk focused! In the middle of it, though, Dirk has to fly to West Germany and relieve a former Nazi tank-driving farmer of his accidental Nazi loot. And maybe a figh…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 004 - I Know My Dick Lore 1:22:10

4M ago1:22:10

1:22:10

The proposed sequel to 101 Dalmatians was gonna be a really wild ride. Amber quizzes the boys on their knowledge of penacular terms (talking points include: You got patriarchy in my vagina, The Devil's Maypole, The Long Plum). Mike takes Tom and Amber through a tour of bizarre children's names bestowed by celebrities. Ed Sheehan's ridiculous ketchu…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E4: The Penguins Have Nukes 57:39

5M ago57:39

57:39

Dirk and Al start recruiting their Avengers Super Team. The Pitt family tree expands to include one of the men who helped create the atomic bomb. What's better, sushi or sausage pizza? Who's the real sidepiece, Dirk or Loren? How many classic cars does it take to make every woman on the planet horny? And perhaps most importantly, the final essentia…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 003 - I Am the Drug Wizard 1:29:43

5M ago1:29:43

1:29:43

The gang kicks things off with a spirited discussion about our ancestors watching them masturbate (pun totally intentional). Amber asks Tom and Mike to guess the phobia based on name alone, leading to frank discussions about the fear of skaters and emos, Oprah, George Washington's secret love of ice hockey, Nicole Kidman's REAL voice, Swifties Agai…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E3: I'm Bored Of Terror 57:29

5M ago57:29

57:29

Longer episode time! Dirk finally allows himself to feel emotion, then decides to make it his whole personality. A woman dares to have a secret, and must be punished accordingly. Japanese far-right ultra-nationalists decide to try American-style diplomacy. Clive predicts the Department of Homeland Security, except in his utopia they're understaffed…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 002 - Tucker Carlson's Thigh Titties 1:15:44

5M ago1:15:44

1:15:44

Things escalate quickly. Amber kicks things off with a dive into bizarre foreign idioms—some charming, some questionable, all extremely Amber. We talk baby ducks as projectiles, Mortal Kombat’s secret double beastiality ending, and why Tom is officially a monster. Also: thigh titties. You had to be there. Mike takes us on a nostalgic rampage throug…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E2: Surprise Racism 31:29

5M ago31:29

31:29

Short episode this week, folks! Nancy caught the plague, and following the plot of a Cussler novel was too physically and mentally taxing (we've all been there, right?) Dirk Pitt goes for a leisurely Sunday drive at the bottom of the ocean. Giordino rages at the heavens and rends his clothes asunder. Flandecker eats a cigar. The full might of the U…

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Tom, Mike, and Amber Save the Multiverse - Episode 001 - Tantric Penis Breathing 1:16:28

6M ago1:16:28

1:16:28

In our inaugural episode, we cannonball straight into the deep end of the absurd. Amber tests Tom and Mike’s grasp of Victorian slang with a game of Real or Made Up? Mike proposes starting our own dictionary. We discuss magical grandma boobs, breakfast sausage moguls, and a public health crisis involving laughing pubic lice. Tom unveils his cutting…

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Cussler Hustlers S10 E1: Teabag of Trauma 57:00

6M ago57:00

57:00

It's Hot Dirk Summer as we dive into a new book! We dive into the extreme action with not one, but TWO different atomic weapons (though to be fair, only one of them goes off). Submarine disasters? You bet! Secret underwater lairs? And how! Prolonged digressions into the quantum existence of the female protagonist's breasts? I mean, it wouldn't be a…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E10: The Dragon And The Ham 1:12:02

6M ago1:12:02

1:12:02

International Terrorism: It's everywhere you want to be! It's certainly anywhere DIRK goes! Seriously, they should have a global travel warning permanently attached to Dirk Pitt, like he's Vash the Stampede or something. America speedruns the false flag attacks, the migrant caravans, the extrajudicial killings, and the anti-democratic foreign meddl…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E9: Built Fjord Tough 52:28

7M ago52:28

52:28

VIOLENCE! Oh baby, the promise of the premise is finally paying off! Dirk gets blown up by a grenade, but fortunately he was near a filing cabinet, so he's fine. Everybody gets shot, but our heroes are wearing bullet-attracting vests. Rudi gets sent on an important mission, and manages to succeed by being racist. And Ammar... well... I don't think …

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E8: The Ham Fist Club 48:02

7M ago48:02

48:02

More terrorists! More special forces! And finally, VIOLENCE! ...almost! We're so, so close to the violence, everyone. Please don't go. Dirk schools the best of the best of the best about icebergs. Hala makes some terrible, terrible relationship choices. Yazid and Topiltzin are betrayed by their 23 And Me results. Ultra-high-altitude covert reconnai…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E7: That Fred Durst Charisma 47:19

8M ago47:19

47:19

The Lady Flamborough pulls a David Copperfield out of Uruguay and flees to the Antarctic! You don't need to be suspicious of anyone with a gun as a political conference, because clearly they're SUPPOSED to be there! Dirk has some off-screen couch loving while his dad's being press-ganged into an elite terrorist organization! Mexico prepares to inva…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E6: Wine and Quaaludes 45:49

8M ago45:49

45:49

Things are really picking up the pace (finally!) Al and Dirk trade pithy one liners while terrorizing a world leader. A car chase leads to an 80's wacky sex romp movie. Topiltzin is more, and somehow less, than he seems. Two thirds of the named characters all end up on the same luxury liner in Uruguay. Legions of unnamed goons get merked like lambs…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E5: Three Stooges Terrorism 43:32

9M ago43:32

43:32

Mister Dirk Goes On Holiday! We think he deserves a little bit of a break, don't you? Cussler sure does, because we spend almost the entire episode hanging out with the movers and shakers in the American government, the various evil Egyptian terrorists, and setting up the next big setpiece: a cruise ship in Uruguay! OF COURSE! It's so obvious! Fina…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E4: Gig Economy Mercenaries 37:57

9M ago37:57

37:57

Our wettest episode ever! Also a day late, due to catastrophic computer failure. We get more American intrigue, in the form of several high-level government briefings that would probably work fine as tweets in 2025. We get lots of backstory about the Library of Alexandria, from a bonus character we'll probably never see again. We get Dirk being a p…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E3: Skin Suit Diplomacy 46:47

10M ago46:47

46:47

The scope of our story expands to TWO countries trying to overthrow themselves, and America! Why would they do that? Who knows! What are their methods? Vague and mysterious! Are they religious fundamentalists? Of course, that was the only kind of bad guy you had in the 80s! Other than filthy Commies, of course, and... oh, they're here, too. Would y…

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E2: Don't Blame The Meatball 32:40

10M ago32:40

32:40

Shorter episode this week, due to technical difficulties and being busy adults with many important things to do. Probably a good place to stop, though, since we get into a LOT of Mexican and Egyptian intrigue next week and have to introduce like ten new characters (Cussler Mexico and Egypt. Any relation to actual countries is purely coincidental). …

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Cussler Hustlers S9 E1: Thank God For Greenland 54:22

11M ago54:22

54:22

Full disclosure: we apologize for starting a new Clive Cussler book during these troubled times. A shocking plane crash, crazy discourse about Greenland, unrest in Israel, declaring war on Mexico? We expect these sorts of things in real life, NOT in a Dirk Pitt adventure! The producers responsible for this tragic lapse in oversight have been sacked…

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Pitt Stop #5: The Zoey Ashe Trilogy 59:26

11M ago59:26

59:26

It's a future episode... literally! Cohost Topper takes a break from Cussler to tell you about some of the other books he enjoys, namely the Zoey Ashe trilogy from Jason Pargin! He's not just good at picking titles for books, he's pretty good at the actual books themselves. This episode is largely spoiler free, because Cohost Nancy hasn't read them…

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E8: The Good Ship Coup D'etat 1:27:41

12M ago1:27:41

1:27:41

We did it! In our traditional mad dash for the finish line, we throw the astronauts aside and dive headlong into Russia's cruel oppression of Cuba, and America's magnanimous generosity in restoring Cuban independence! You read that right! Also, there's some side plot involving a boat called the "Cy.... clops?" and some golden statue. I dunno, didn'…

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E7: To Reiterate, She Was Naked 59:47

12M ago59:47

59:47

Happy New Year! We very nearly managed to get this episode out on time, and that's our gift to YOU, the listener! Three separate plots crash together at the fourteenth hour: space shuttles invading Cuba, communists invading Cuba, and America invading Cuba! Which invasion will succeed? Will Dirk Pitt finally get called up to the major leagues? Will …

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E6: 1-800-TWINKIE-PROBLEMS 57:40

1y ago57:40

57:40

We're back! We're jacked! Nancy's microphone sounds great and mine's being weird! But we cover an ENTIRE SECTION of this dang book for once, with a record low number of tangents. Dirk enjoys his Caribbean cruise. The Inner Core enjoys the smell of mall peanuts. Helga spends a couple decades at the pool, plotting her revenge. The Russians fight The …

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E5.5: Difficulties & Updates 7:27

1y ago7:27

7:27

Fiddle-dee-dee, that will require a public apology! Just a brief update on the state of Cussler Hustlers, temporary delays, future plans and new projects from your FAVORITE hosts (and Topper!) This one is longer than sixty seconds, so we hope it will tide you over until our pre-Christmas Cyclops Spectacular. Hail Krampus!…

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E5: Henchman 2: The Revenge! 46:01

1y ago46:01

46:01

It's the Communist Torture Spectacular this week! EVERYONE gets tortured... except Dirk Pitt, who merely engages in multiple battles of wit (some of which leave him urinating fun rainbow colors, but that's neither here nor there). He also goes for a healthy, bracing constitutional to take in the crisp sea air. Really, this might be his best vacatio…

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E4: Secret Agent Butterbean 1:02:35

1y ago1:02:35

1:02:35

Today, Nancy and Topper penetrate your defences with our fat observations on Clive Cussler's Cyclops! The action is ramping up on three fronts: a Cuban military outpost, a secretive Washington cabal of science billionaires, and THE MOOOOOON! We spend a truly unfortunate amount of time talking about television through the ages, the proper way to car…

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E3: Pneumatic Scrotum 32:17

1y ago32:17

32:17

We here at Cussler Hustler Enterprises would like to apologize for the poor taste exhibited in this section of the book, where a hurricane gains unprecedented speed and power in the middle of the Caribbean. Those responsible for misusing the weather weapons have been sacked. In the meantime, please enjoy this episode where we laugh at dangly body p…

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E2: Cuban Piffle Crisis 50:25

1y ago50:25

50:25

Act One of Cyclops is... talking. And meetings. And discussions. And conversations. And research. And exposition. And-... well, let's just say not a lot HAPPENS. But don't worry, this is actually a good thing! Clive is front-loading the boring stuff, and keeping it fairly swift and breezy, because the action is about to get bonkers. Secret Agent Sa…

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Cussler Hustlers S8 E1: Blimpus Has Fallen 1:07:38

1+ y ago1:07:38

1:07:38

NEW SEASON! New shenanigans! New treasure! New intrigue! When the book opened with a zeppelin disaster, both Nancy and Topper regressed to their childhoods and got lost in the inflatable nostalgia. There's a billionaire colony on the moon, a super-sized Russian moon lander, a bunch of frozen mystery corpses, and a sunken coal ship that might have t…

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PITT STOP #4: It's A Clip Show! 1:00:11

1+ y ago1:00:11

1:00:11

It's a beach episode! Nancy and Topper kick back and revisit the six books that have brought us to the dizzying heights of podcast greatness: Mediterranean Caper, Iceberg!, Raise the Titanic!, Vixen-03, Night Probe!, and Pacific Vortex. We get a couple things wrong, we're shocked by what DOES stick around a year or more later, and we give everythin…

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Cussler Hustlers S7 E7: Elevator Pachinko! 1:19:07

1+ y ago1:19:07

1:19:07

WE MADE IT! In spite of all our end-of-summer shenanigans, doctor-prescribed drug binges and wildfires, we managed to complete our super-sized finale to Deep Six! Dirk gets a lot of civilians killed on what is still probably the best day of their life. Giordino reminds us why he isn't bothered by Dirk's homicidal urges. Loren reminds us that you ar…

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Cussler Hustlers S7 E6: Atonal Cloud Farts 55:16

1+ y ago55:16

55:16

THE RESISTANCE has come together! THE RESISTANCE is composed of... uhm... all the top elites in Washington, and the NUMA paramilitary forces led by Dirk Pitt. Bougainville continues to solve all of their problems by blowing it up in the most attention-grabbing way possible. The Russians finally reveal themselves to perhaps not be the good guys. Gua…

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Cussler Hustlers S7 E5: Remote Control President 47:40

1+ y ago47:40

47:40

Every train has gone off every rail in this episode of Deep Six! The whole 'missing President' scandal has been uncovered by the press, but fortunately the President is back! Unfortunately, the President is being remote controlled and promises to completely disarm the country. Loren finds herself the extra special guest of some hired goons, and a c…

1
Cussler Hustlers S7 E4: Wednesday Drugs 39:18

1+ y ago39:18

39:18

Your favorite cohosts are a little behind schedule and a little under the weather, but at least we still know more about health and medicine than a KGB agent! Psychopharmaceuticals abound in this tale of multicultural malpractice. Dirk kisses Loren goodbye. Some nerds get chopped. Cults are stealing television. We compare old-people injuries. This …