The mission of ESSAY is to serve as a source of information, experience, strength and hope to sexaholics, both inside and outside the rooms of Sexaholics Anonymous. Our vision is to provide a high-quality “meeting in print” that gathers together members from around the world. It can serve as a portable “extra meeting” especially for loners and for members who don’t have access to many meetings. In addition, Essay serves as an outreach tool to carry the message to those who have not yet found ...
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ESSAY Magazine Podcasts
Let us take you into the pages of the Walrus as a chorus of vibrant voices bring to life essays, fiction, poetry, illustrations and photography from some of Canada’s best writers and artists.
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With most of the entirety of the published journal's contents read aloud by the authors, the FENCE audiobook/podcast continues to push boundaries in literary publishing. In continuous publication since 1998, Fence is a biannual print journal of poetry, fiction, art, and criticism that redefines the terms of accessibility by publishing challenging writing distinguished by idiosyncrasy and intelligence rather than by allegiance with camps, schools, or cliques. FENCE is committed to publishing ...
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The Point is a magazine founded on the suspicion that modern life is worth examining. www.thepointmag.com
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For couples overwhelmed by modern life, office tools offer order. But do they fix the deeper problems? Marjorie Nicolaou reads Love in the Time of Google Calendar by Courtney Shea. Courtney Shea is a freelance journalist based in Toronto. About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadians who are blind o…
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Ford’s Plan to Dig a Tunnel under Highway 401 Is Almost Certainly Doomed
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6:01Premier Ford’s 401 tunnel megaproject is a $100 billion boondoggle with the risk of roadway collapse. Lori Wilson reads Ford’s Plan to Dig a Tunnel under Highway 401 Is Almost Certainly Doomed by David Moscrop. David Moscrop is a contributing writer for The Walrus. About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empower…
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As China tightens its grip on critical resources, Trump eyes Canada’s riches. The US badly needs rare minerals and fresh water, both of which Canada has in abundance. Lori Wilson reads Annexation, Eh by Christopher Pollon. Christopher Pollon is a Vancouver journalist and author who reports on the environment and the politics of natural resources. H…
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A Montreal teacher was accused of selling student artwork online. Was this a case of a serious misunderstanding or was a teacher actually trying to profit from his student’s works? Lori Wilson reads The Strange Case of Monsieur Perron by Sarah Treleaven. About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadians…
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Canada Goose edged itself into the cultural zeitgeist. It then built a luxury empire by betting big on China. The parka maker dodged geopolitics, the pandemic, and local pushback. Matt Speirs reads Parka Politics by Yvonne Lau. Yvonne Lau is a Vancouver-based journalist who covers business, technology, and culture, with an eye on China and Russia. …
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Selected Novels | Catherine Lacey on Evan S. Connell
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41:22On this episode of Selected Novels, Jess and Zach talk to Catherine Lacey about Evan S. Connell’s Mrs. Bridge. Want more from The Point? Subscribe here at 50% off the normal rate.By The Point Magazine
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Michelle Sheppard has visited Guantánamo 28 times as a reporter. She says it still defies belief. The surreal gulag has a pub, a gift shop, and a McDonald’s. Now Trump is looking to fill it up again. Paul Berry reads Where Cruelty is the Point About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadians who are bl…
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Since she’d had the suit, Rowan didn’t feel the need to cry in the bathroom anymore. It was a bright, emerald shout of confidence, the colour of life itself, a promise that things would get better. Marjorie Nicolaou reads the fictional story The Green Suit About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadia…
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For some, there is no pleasure quite like a piece of gossip blowing in on the wind. Lori Wilson reads My Guilty Pleasure – Gossip About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadians who are blind or partially sighted. Operating three broadcast services, AMI-tv and AMI-audio in English and AMI-télé in Fren…
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Afghans worry their children are doomed under curriculum enforced at gunpoint. The Taliban are turning boys’ schools into Jihadist training grounds. About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadians who are blind or partially sighted. Operating three broadcast services, AMI-tv and AMI-audio in English a…
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For nearly 30 years, Nova Scotia’s Gaspereau defied the market. Now its owners are moving on, closing the chapter on one of Canada’s most uncompromising publishers. About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadians who are blind or partially sighted. Operating three broadcast services, AMI-tv and AMI-au…
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Prolonged grief is an intense yearning for the deceased that interferes with everyday life and that lasts at least a year for adults and six months for adolescents and children. Can a pill cure it? Lori Wilson reads The Pill That Promises to Cure Grief by Ayesha Habib. Ayesha Habib has written for Chatelaine, the Globe and Mail, and Maisonneuve. Ab…
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It’s easier than ever to make music, and harder than ever to make a living from it . Matt Speirs reads The Death of the Middle-Class Musician by Luc Rinaldi. Luc Rinaldi is a contributing writer for The Walrus. About AMI AMI is a not-for-profit media company that entertains, informs and empowers Canadians who are blind or partially sighted. Operati…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Editor’s Corner - Laura W., ESSAY Editor
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1:01It can seem that being happy and single are two ideas that don’t fit together. What a great discovery to learn that our joy does not rely on a relationship or even marriage! It relies on following the will of God through working the Steps. In this edition of “Happy, Joyous, and … Single”, we will hear the many transformations that Higher Power has …
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ESSAY August 2025 - Dear ESSAY - Iris, India
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1:40Dear ESSAY, Greetings from India. I am Iris from India–grateful, recovering, and blessed lustaholic and sexaholic. My SA journey and sobriety began on May 25, 2021, one day at a time(ODaAT). I heard about ESSAY and its garden of recovery at the beginning of my SA journey. I was approached to be a part of ESSAY’s garden, and I blossomed through shar…
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ESSAY August 2025 - What’s Going On in SA - Levi H., Nebraska, USA
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2:15Informing Professionals about SA One of SA’s 18 committees that helps to carry the message and serve the fellowship is the Support for Institutions and Professionals Committee (SIP). Formerly, it was called the Hospitals and Institutions Committee. Our mission is still the same, to inform institutions and professionals as to how SA can help restore…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Happy, Joyous, and Single: Is That How It Goes? - An anonymous brother from Russia
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5:04I broke up with my last girlfriend when I came to the program, after a two-year relationship. The reason was my shocking admission to the truth about myself—that I used her, trying to find a sense of self-worth at her expense, satisfy lust, and not feel lonely. This realization was painful, but honest and therefore healing. I saw that I had always …
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ESSAY August 2025 - My Higher Self - Nathalie V., Mortsel, Belgium
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2:30Time being single and sober has allowed her to hear Higher Power’s will for her. I have been sober for several years now, and have taken my first steps toward recovery. By “recovery,” I don’t just mean working the Steps, but that I am literally “recovering.” I’m talking about healing and restoration. This allows me to better discern the voice of my…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Being Truly Satisfied - Lee F., Chicago, IL
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3:11He discovered that being single allowed him to devote his whole life to God. I was not put in this program by a spouse. I put myself here of my own volition. I don’t have to get found out or exposed because I have the opportunity to expose and find out about myself here in safety and connection with others, united in fellowship all across the world…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Base Salary Versus Bonuses - Arpita, Delhi, India
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2:51God’s love and will in her life are all she needs, and anything else is extra. I grew up with an urge to be a grandmother; I just loved the idea of having a family and children. I would name my daughter after the girl who sits on the last bench in my class. I was in first grade, and I looked at my crush and thought, “If we had a daughter, I would n…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Smashing the Golden Idol - Joe S., Ohio, USA
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2:51By repairing the past, through working the program, he found the freedom of being single. Throughout my lust addiction, romantic relationships became a golden calf to me. I thought an attractive, emotionally compatible girlfriend would fulfill and complete me. Having a girlfriend became a persistent fantasy, but every time a woman would say yes to …
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ESSAY August 2025 - Sober, Single, and Grateful - Peg V., Cleveland, Ohio
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3:46She came to accept Higher Power’s plan for her. I had to learn to love myself, not in the way a conceited person does, but as a precious child of God. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and to remember I am a precious child of God. Not a perfect one, but a work in progress with my Higher Power molding me to His will. I am not in charge of my li…
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ESSAY August 2025 - The Power of the Lust Hit - Paul R., Prince Edward Island, Canada
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2:29Surrendering Lust helped him to surrender the shame that came with it. Yesterday, I started the day in the usual way with prayers and readings—I thank God for that. I then went to do some errands. About mid-morning, there was a lust hit. I knew the danger, and I acted swiftly. I averted my eyes, got out of the situation, surrendered the look, and p…
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ESSAY August 2025 - The Prayer of Divine Remembrance - Ephraim, Oklahoma, USA
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4:20This tool helps him to release the past. There are moments in life when the past will not let go. I’ve started the path of recovery, made amends where I could, committed to change, and yet — the memories remain. The images return. The shame lingers. While I’ve begun to move forward on the outside, my mind is still caught in the painful echoes of wh…
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ESSAY August 2025 - From Being Thanked to Giving Thanks - Bachan A., Kochi, India
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5:24Recovery radically changed how he celebrates Father’s Day. I used to think Father’s Day was about waiting for my children to shower me with drawings, or words that would make me feel like a good father. I thought it was a day to sit back and receive—to be told that all my sacrifices were noticed, my sleepless nights appreciated, my worrying underst…
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ESSAY August 2025 - The Availability To Dive - Luke H, Memphis, TN
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2:24This period of being single has given him time to work a rigorous program. For most of my life, I’ve been looking for someone to connect with me and make me whole. I felt “inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid” (SA 203), always comparing my insides to the outsides of others. I was terrified of people seeing me for fear that they’d reject me—which…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Happy? Joyous? Single. - Pasha F., Washington, USA
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2:11Sobriety has helped him deal with the highs and lows of being single. I am single. I am not always happy, joyous, and free. It can be lonely. Divorce is painful. I don’t feel happy, joyous, and free. Today, I am 18 months sober—miraculous proof that God can do for me what I couldn’t do for myself. I have also been depressed for about a month. I hav…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Sober, Single, and Dancing - Ryan - CASA
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4:21Learning how to surrender and open up to healthy activities affirmed that he belonged. My name is Ryan, and I am a child of my Higher Power. As a former SA sponsor once humorously suggested, “You qualify to be in the program, you are one of us!” I came to SA in 2017, but after a while, it became clear that I needed to leave the Program. I needed to…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Moving the One-Year Dating Line - Catherine H., Cleveland, Ohio
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3:23Having had a spiritual experience has allowed her to accept the plans God has for her personal life. Sitting in the counselor’s office in early 2020, I voiced my biggest fear: that one day my sexual behavior would destroy a marriage. Fetish-oriented fantasy, masturbation, literature, and pornography had been a part of my life for as long as I could…
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ESSAY August 2025 - There I Am Also - Jack H., California, USA
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2:13Good service leadership at all levels is indispensable for our future functioning and safety. I began service in SA to practice leadership based on the principles and values I am learning from our 12-Step program and to learn a new sober way of life and functioning in the world. SA service means I am too focused on helping sexaholics find the Progr…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Not That Different - Justin W. – Virginia, USA
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3:25Hearing others share from their weakness helped him realize he was not alone. Hi, I’m Justin, I’m a grateful recovering sexaholic. I came to SA in 2019 when a priest friend introduced me to the Fellowship. I had just started a new job and it was summertime. He invited me to a meeting, gave me the SA White Book, and encouraged me to attend. At that …
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ESSAY August 2025 - SA CFC - James D., Virginia State Prison, USA
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1:20This period in his life has given him time to grow. Hi, I’m James D., and I’ve been incarcerated since January 28, 2022. I’ve been sexually sober since November 29, 2023—one year, ten months, and one day from the worst day of my life. That day, I experienced the first of many of the best days of my life: the day I entered sobriety.…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Contentment in His Care - Dorene S., Washington, USA
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0:53Surrendering her life to God through the steps I am single in SA. And I am content. How is that possible? It is possible because I feel content each day as I surrender to my Higher Power’s care. I don’t look into the future about what that means. My focus is on today. Each day, I decide to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I under…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Discussion Topic - The ESSAY Editor
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1:00If single, have you embraced this time in your life to grow? The author of the article “The Availability to Dive” brings to light how beneficial it can be to live single while recovering. While it can also be challenging, the single life can give us the time needed to learn how to live without our drug and relate to others. This prepares those who …
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ESSAY August 2025 - Dealing With Infatuation - KB, St Louis
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2:54Detachment was the path that led him to a break from the unreal and to seek what was real. Without a doubt, my program is one of progress, not perfection. It has taken me some years to understand how infatuation has kept me bound to lust. Infatuation, I believe, is a distortion of reality. What begins in me as a natural response, appreciating what …
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ESSAY August 2025 - The Healing Began - Barry O., Charlestown, Ireland
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3:05As a result of working the Program, this member likes the man he is growing into. Before SA and recovery from chronic lusting and the acting out that followed, I was frequently lost in fantasy, on dating apps, or in an “intimate encounter.” The irony was, there was nothing intimate about it. This behavior eroded away my soul and made me feel deeply…
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ESSAY August 2025 - The Lifeboat of the Fellowship - Silas, Ottawa, Canada
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2:36Participating in the Fellowship helped him to accept his disease and to laugh with those carrying the message to him. Ontario’s SA Spring Retreat 2025, themed “Acceptance is the Answer”, took place from Friday, May 23rd–Sunday, May 25th, coordinated by the Peterborough SA group.By Essay Magazine
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ESSAY August 2025 - Finding Freedom Through the Big Book - Sheri B., Michigan, USA
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2:36She decided to give away what was freely given to her. As I reflect on my journey in recovery, I’m filled with gratitude for the AA Big Book and those who have carried its message. Working the steps as they’re written in the Big Book has been the most transformative path to true freedom that I’ve experienced.…
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ESSAY August 2025 - The Best Caption - ESSAY Editor
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1:05Are you ready for another caption challenge? We invite you to craft the perfect recovery caption for the cartoon below, centered on October’s theme, “Surrendering Shame.” If your caption makes us laugh, it will be featured in the October ESSAY edition. Don't miss out—the submission deadline is September 15. Send your entry to essay@ sa.org. Unleash…
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Our next edition’s theme is “Surrendering Fear, Guilt, and Shame.” Coming into the Program, many of us experience fear of facing the guilt and shame that the addiction of sexaholism brings to those powerless over lust. The Fellowship helps us overcome this fear by walking with us through the process of finding a sponsor and working the Steps. In do…
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ESSAY August 2025 - Bless The Ground - Eileen P. and Susie B. - USA
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1:01By Essay Magazine
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ESSAY August 2025 - The Problem - Dustrise - USA
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3:03By Essay Magazine
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ESSAY August 2025 - 11th Step Prayer - Winfried W.
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2:11By Essay Magazine
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ESSAY August 2025 - Thank You Song - Eileen P. and Susie B. - USA
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0:57By Essay Magazine
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מאמר מאוגוסט 2025 - מפוכחת, רווקה ואסירת תודה - פג וי., קליבלנד, אוהיו.
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3:30היא למדה לקבל את התכנית של הכוח העליון עבורה הייתי חייבת לאהוב את עצמי, לא כמו אדם יהיר אלא בתור ילדה אהובה של אלוהים. הייתי חייבת ללמוד ליהנות מחברת עצמי ולזכור שאני ילדה אהובה של אלוהים. לא מושלמת, אבל נמצאת בתהליך של צמיחה הדרגתית כאשר הכוח העליון שלי מעצב אותי לפי רצונו. אני לא שולטת על החיים שלי, הכוח העליון שלי שולט…
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מאמר מאוגוסט 2025 - ניפוץ האליל הזהב - ג'ו ס., אוהיו, ארה"ב
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2:37על ידי ריפוי העבר, דרך העבודה על התוכנית, הוא מצא את החירות בלהיות רווק במהלך ההתמכרות שלי לתאווה, מערכות יחסים רומנטיות הפכו עבורי לעגל זהב. חשבתי שחברה מושכת ובעלת התאמה רגשית תמלא אותי ותשלים אותי. הרצון שיהיה לי קשר זוגי הפך לפנטזיה מתמשכת, אך בכל פעם שאישה אמרה "כן" להצעה לצאת לדייט, הייתי בורח מהקשר ברגע שהוא התחיל להתפתח. הייתי בלתי מפותח רג…
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מאמר מאוגוסט 2025 - משכורת בסיס מול בונוסים - ארפיטה, דלהי, הודו.
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2:18אהבתו של אלוהים ורצונו בחייה הם כל מה שהיא צריכה, וכל דבר נוסף הוא בונוס גדלתי עם הדחף להיות סבתא; אהבתי את הרעיון שיהיה לי משפחה וילדים. אקרה שם לבת שלי כמו של הילדה שיושבת בספסל האחרון בכיתה. הייתי בכיתה א' הסתכלתי על מה שהייתי דלוקה עליו וחשבתי: "אם תהיה לנו בת, אני אקרא לה כמו שותפתי ללימודים שהיא מקום ראשון בכיתתנו." חמוד, נכון? אני מגחכת כי ה…
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מאמר מאוגוסט 2025 - להגיע לסיפוק אמיתי - לי פ. שיקגו..
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3:28הוא גילה שעצם היותו רווק אפשר לו להקדיש את כל חייו לאלוקים לא נשלחתי לתכנית על ידי בת זוג. הכנסתי את עצמי לכאן מרצוני. אני לא צריך שמישהו יגלה או יחשוף אותי כי יש לי את ההזדמנות לגלות את עצמי ולהיחשף כאן בבטחה וחיבור לאחרים, מאוחד בחברותא בכל העולם. יכול להיות שלעולם לא אתחתן. אולי יקרה שאחיה חיי נזירות בתרגול רוחני וחיבור עם אחרים תחת חסותו של אלו…
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מאמר מאוגוסט 2025 - הנפש הגבוהה שלי - נתליה ו., מורטסל, בלגיה
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2:27פרק זמן ללא בן זוג ובפיכחון אפשר לה לשמוע את רצון הכוח העליון שלה אני פיכחת כבר כמה שנים, ועשיתי כבר את הצעדים הראשונים שלי לקראת החלמה. כשאני אומרת "החלמה", אני לא מתכוונת רק לעבודה על השלבים, אלא שאני ממש "מחלימה". אני מדברת על ריפוי והחזרה למצב טובBy Essay Magazine
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מאמר מאוגוסט 2025 - חופשי שמח, ורווק; האם כך זה הולך? - אח אנונימי מרוסיה.
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4:47נפרדתי מהחברה האחרונה שלי כשהגעתי לתכנית, אחרי מערכת יחסים של שנתיים. הסיבה הייתה ההכרה המזעזעת באמת על עצמי – שהשתמשתי בה, מנסה למצוא תחושת ערך עצמי על חשבונה, לספק את התאווה, ולא להרגיש בודד. הכרה זו הייתה כואבת, אבל כנה, ולכן מרפאתBy Essay Magazine
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