This is the Concrete Cactus Podcast, where two lifelong friends from New Jersey—Ryan, now stranded in the blazing Arizona heat, and Brandon, holding it down back east—tackle life’s weirdest, wildest, and most entertaining topics with humor, hot takes, and (near) zero filter. Each week, we bring you: Stories that turn up the heat—Jersey’s big mouths and bigger attitudes, Arizona’s dry heat and even drier humor, and the hilariously bizarre quirks of East vs. West living. Sports takes you didn’ ...
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Concrete Cactus Podcasts
ILRC RED CARDS - https://www.ilrc.org/red-cards-tarjetas-rojas IMMIGRATION RESOURCES - https://www.cortezmasto.senate.gov/wp-content/uploads/media/doc/Immigration%20Resources_English.pdf Hi. I host a podcast. Why? Great question. Mostly because talking to myself in a room without recording it started to seem a little... sad. This podcast is where I try to make sense of the world or at least pretend I can through semi-coherent rambling, unsolicited opinions, and the occasional guest who actua ...
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Brooklyn to Vegas. Culture Shock, Concrete, and Cactuses.
18:35
18:35
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18:35
Complain here. What happens when you trade corner stores for cacti? In this episode of Existential Static, I’m spiraling about the culture shock of moving from Brooklyn to Las Vegas because apparently, I wanted to know what overstimulation feels like when it’s surrounded by mountains and drive-thrus. We’re talking about: East Coast hustle vs West C…
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Why Does Everything Have a Membership Now?
18:01
18:01
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18:01
Complain here. Remember when you could just buy something? Like, walk into a store, grab your stuff, pay, and leave? Yeah. That’s over. Now you need a membership, subscription, rewards card, login, and a free trial you’ll forget to cancel. You can’t even pump gas without being asked to join a loyalty program. Coffee? Membership. Dog food? Subscript…
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Test Subjects. The Dark History of Birth Control Trials in Puerto Rico.
20:22
20:22
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20:22
Complain here. Before the pill was approved for women in the U.S., it was tested on poor Puerto Rican women. In the 1950s, researchers ran large scale trials of the first birth control pill on women in Puerto Rico. They were told it would prevent pregnancy. What they weren’t told? The pill was experimental. It came with dangerously high doses of ho…
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Classrooms Without Futures. Puerto Rico’s Broken Education System
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22:02
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22:02
Complain here. Puerto Rico’s education system is collapsing, and it’s not an accident. In this episode of Existential Static, we break down the brutal truth of what’s happening inside classrooms across the island. We talk about shuttered schools, underpaid teachers, rising tuition at the University of Puerto Rico, and the emotional toll of watching…
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Lights Out, Power Up. Puerto Rico’s Energy Crisis and the Fight for Control.
20:29
20:29
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Complain here. In this episode of Existential Static, we dig deep into Puerto Rico’s ongoing power crisis and the people who are taking the light back. We unpack the decades long neglect of the island’s electrical grid, the devastation of Hurricane María, and the highly controversial privatization under LUMA Energy. From rising bills to deadly blac…
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When Silence Feels Unsafe. Growing Up in Chaos.
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8:46
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8:46
Complain here. Welcome to one of my many random mini rants. Some of us weren’t raised on calm. We were raised on chaos. On background noise. On yelling that didn’t always mean anger and silence that almost always meant something was wrong. So now? Silence doesn’t feel peaceful. It feels… suspicious. This mini episode of Existential Static is about …
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From Taíno Roots to The Young Lords to Act 60. Resistance Isn’t New.
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23:39
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Complain here. Link to Pa'Lante Newspapers - https://dlib.nyu.edu/palante/ This episode isn’t soft. It isn’t curated. It’s real. Because what's happening in Puerto Rico is nothing new, it's just wearing new clothes. We talk about the Taíno people, the original caretakers of the land, and how their culture, language, and resistance still live in us.…
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Born here, tied there. Puerto Rico, Identity and What's Being Taken. Part 1.
11:59
11:59
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11:59
Complain here. In this episode of Existential Static, we’re talking about Puerto Rico, beyond the beaches and beyond the branding. What does it mean to grow up Puerto Rican in the States? To be raised with culture, music, and pride, but still feel like a guest when you visit the island? We get into the complicated identity of being raised away from…
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From Corner Stores to Condos: Growing Up in Bushwick Before the Rebrand.
23:43
23:43
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Complain here. New episode just dropped. This one’s different. It’s about Bushwick. It’s about Brooklyn. And it’s about what happens when the place that raised you gets rewritten by money and marketing. We’re talking: – Corner stores before they sold kombucha – Block parties that didn’t need permits – Sitting on milk crates – Gentrification that pu…
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I Need a Script for Everything. Why Casual Conversation Feels Like an Audition.
14:41
14:41
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Complain here. If you’ve ever spent 45 minutes drafting a two-line text or rehearsed saying “here for pickup” on loop in your head, this episode is for you. In this spiral, we unpack the daily emotional labor of speaking like a normal human. Texting anxiety, accidental “you too” moments, email sign-off panic, and the crushing shame of a voice note …
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Oh. That Wasn't for Me? Awkward Everyday Moments We Just Don’t Talk About.
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13:17
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Complain here. In this episode of Existential Static, we spiral through the unspoken, awkward chaos of daily life, those moments that aren’t exactly traumatic but still haunt your soul at 2 a.m. From waving at someone who wasn’t waving at you… to saying “you too” when it absolutely does not apply, we’re talking hallway standoffs, door-holding Olymp…
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Complain here. ILRC Cards - https://www.ilrc.org/red-cards-tarjetas-rojas Immigration Resources - https://www.cortezmasto.senate.gov/wp-content/uploads/media/doc/Immigration%20Resources_English.pdf In this special episode of Existential Static, we step away from sarcasm and talk about something serious: ICE enforcement and how it’s affecting commun…
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You ain't a man unless you're Keith Hernandez
9:20
9:20
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Complain here. In this episode of Existential Static, we unravel the chaos of outdated masculinity, starting with a single statement from my grandmother: “Now Keith Hernandez… he was a real man.” From there, we spiral beautifully into society’s weirdest, most irrational takes on what “makes” a man. Flip-flops? Cringe. Asking for directions? Weak. I…
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Don't Touch Me, I'm Just Trying to Exist. Also, the Mets lost again.
13:43
13:43
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Complain here. In this episode of Existential Static, we continue spiraling! this time through the sensory horrors of everyday life. We’re talking aggressive vacuuming, betrayal by wet things, and the absolute psychological warfare of paper straws.By Kawfee Cowboy
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Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Cilantro: A Sensory Nightmare
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16:10
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16:10
Complain here. Send us a text In this premiere episode of Existential Static, we spiral gracefully into the chaotic abyss of life's most pointless annoyances, especially the ones that hit hard when you're already on sensory overload. From the lone 3 a.m. fire alarm beep that ruins your will to live, to the self-checkout machine loudly announcing yo…
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Give Us 33 Minutes, and You’ll Understand Why This Podcast Had to Happen
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40:33
Send us a text Five months ago, Concrete Cactus started as a dry run. A side quest. A way to speak honestly without breaking under the pressure. What it’s become is still evolving—but this episode? It’s the closest we’ve come to hitting what we set out to build: fire meets reflection. We don’t just recap headlines here—we reckon with them. From wil…
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007 | Phoenix Suns and the Spirit of Self-Sabotage
51:41
51:41
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Send us a text What do Suns owner Mat Ishbia, Elon Musk, and American Water Works have in common (besides being billionaires)? Self-sabotage. From luxury tax flameouts to the planned demolition of local landmarks, this episode tours the many ways power mismanages potential—and the regular folks who pay the price. Ryan kicks things off with an early…
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Send us a text 006 | Torpedo bats. OMNY & TAPP to-pay systems. Drunk mayors. You can’t make this up—but Concrete Cactus can break it down. 🧨 The Bronx Bombers are back—but this time, they brought missiles. Is it innovation… or war crimes at the plate? We—and by ‘we,’ we mean just Brandon—give the Yankees’ torpedo bat conspiracy a fresh pair of legs…
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Send us a text Mark Kelly trades in his Tesla for a tank and calls Elon Musk an “a**hole” on live TV. Meanwhile, LeBron James and Stephen A. Smith reignite a 21-year ego feud, and we break down one of the weirdest music videos in NYPD history, and tap into our inner-nostradamus with some free agency predictions that came true post-taping. Also in t…
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Send us a text Join Ryan & Brandon—as they break down the absurdity of current events with humor, sharp insights, and just the right amount of cynicism. In this episode: • Ukraine. There. We said it. • Certified Transformation Coaches • Ryan's political typology REVEALED • IN MEMORIAM: A lot • A masterclass in proper political discoursing on TikTok…
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Send us a text Two friends, two states, one hilarious podcast. Join Ryan and Brandon—a dynamic duo merging New Jersey grit with Arizona cool—as they explore cultural quirks, insights that challenge conventional wisdom and reveal unexpected truths throughout the conversation. In this episode: • Eagles exceed expectations - by light years! • Mayor Me…
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Send us a text Join Ryan and Brandon—a dynamic duo merging New Jersey grit with Arizona cool—as they explore cultural quirks, insights that challenge conventional wisdom and reveal unexpected truths throughout the conversation. In this episode: • A Super Bowl conspiracy that doesn't involve refs • DEI (but not liberal) • A$AP Courtroom • The riotou…
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001 | romans 3:23 gleams on generational screens
31:29
31:29
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Send us a text In this episode, Ryan and Brandon—a duo blending New Jersey grit with Arizona chill—dive into everything from cultural quirks to hot takes on music, sports, and local news. You’ll discover: • Why “Central Jersey” doesn’t exist (and never will). • Bold Super Bowl predictions and why Eagles fans never take a day off. • Ryan's really no…
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000 | phoenix buns and congestion pricing for everyone
45:48
45:48
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Send us a text In this debut episode, Ryan and Brandon—a duo blending New Jersey grit with Arizona chill—dive into everything from cultural quirks to hot takes on music, sports, and local news. In this video, you’ll discover: • Why small talk doesn’t exist in Jersey. • A fiery debate over Billboard’s top artists of the century. • How wildfires in A…
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