Send us a text Another pheasant shoot, another dead (human) body. Get new interests, people! These shoots aren't safe! This is especially true for the high ranking hobbyists of Westershire police force, ACC Fisher, and Inspector Henry Crabb. Henry is a chef and a policeman, because why not? He's also not great with cash and manages to lose a wad of…

Send us a text At last! The long awaited Ellis! Channel Five have come good with this one (adverts notwithstanding) as Ellis is not half bad. Sharon D. Clarke is pretty fab, if a bit brooding, in the title role, and the story holds together so long as you don't think about it too much, which, of course, we do. There are citizen journalists, the mos…

Send us a text Hey crime drama lovers, Sorry about the lack of a proper episode this week - Lex has been facing challenges at work that even a team including Jane Tennison, Endeavour Morse, Sherlock Holmes, and Jackson Brodie would struggle to overcome. We will get "Ellis" out to you next week! In the meantime, here is Lily rambling on for five min…

Send us a text Welcome to our first episode recorded face to face, in the same room rather than hundreds of miles apart! We had a WONDERFUL time, although the benefit to you is nil. The sound quality is patchy (we had tried for a studio but it was Good Friday and weverything was closed) as we were in Lily's airbnb room, and we are horribly hungover…

Send us a text First off, let us apologise for the amount we talk about the weather and various weather apps at the beginning. It's almost like we didn't want to talk about Rosemary and Thyme. Almost. But we do get into it, and what towering achievment of television it isn't. There are two people shot dead, some extortion, terrible wallpapering, a …

Send us a text It's another Agatha Christie! Drink every time Lily says "I know we're not talking about the book, but..." Actually, don't, that would be dangerous. Protect the NHS. We had some dramas while recording this episode as a plusnet engineer started drilling into Lily's house, and then the internet cut out so she had to drive across town t…

Send us a text Enter stage left: A tall, pale, man in a deerstalker. Spry, and somewhat unnerving, Jeremy Brett is to some people (Lily), but not others (Lex), the definitive Sherlock Holmes. It's not an absolute belter of a episode though as an intervention by a couples therapist would have perhaps been more suitable to the problem at hand. Lex be…

Send us a text Kenneth Branagh shines in this anglicised version of the skandi noir classic, Wallander. However, it's not that hard to shine when everything around you is so incredibly bleak. Having said that, there are lots of bodies, and one of them is even heavily charred, while the others are axed and scalped, so plenty to enjoy on that front. …

Send us a text Silly hats, squabbling academics, tudor costumes, death by antique sword...what can we say? Just the usual antics in the world of crime drama. We've seen all these things before but this time we are in the world of Father Brown. It's not the greatest introduction to the world of G.K. Chesterton's crime solving priest, but if you are …

Send us a text York, present day: A woman is found dead inside a dinosaur exhibit. Not inside the exhibit, you understand. Not wodged in with the dinosaurs. Only a total fool would think that. And she drowned.... OR DID SHE? Well, Patience, our eagle eyed investigative consultant, knows that she did. And Patience leads our professional detectives g…

Send us a text A woman has been clubbed in the head with a toffee hammer, but it's ok, as she was "clubbable," and probably deserved it. Oh, and the clowns in Brussels have got rid of toffee hammers so maybe she was shot instead. Confused? Welcome to the world of Detective Superintendent Andy Dalziel! He's assisted by Detective Sergeant Peter Pasco…

Send us a text Hello all, here we are again. Quick update to let you know we're binning off Father Brown as the episode we were going to talk about is no longer avilable on "U" and we can't find it anywhere else. After all that fuss about finding the app and stuff. Tsk. Anyway, we've decided to do something else. The something else: "Dalziel and Pa…

Send us a text There's no full length episode this week because Christmas and New Year threw us off our stride. Come on now, take a deep breath and wipe your tears - we'll get one to you soon. In this little minisode Lily tries to do a short review of the crime dramas and murder mysteries on offer this Christmas, but without Lex to gently rein her …

Send us a text It's CHRIIIISTMAS! And the village of Codswallop Shallows (or similar) is celebrating by hosting lots of ghost hunts, just as Jesus would have wanted. There are only two bodies in this one, so it's not an all time classic, but we do have Mark Heap in a mustard jumper, Les Dennis in a variety of outfits, and a steely eyed man in a bar…

Send us a text You know the drill, a Met Police officer has left London and is solving crimes in someone else's backyard. This time the dectective in question is returning to her own backyard - Dolphin Cove, which is just down the coast from Summer Bay, Australia. We discuss Neighbours, Home and Away, Enid Blyton, Mein Kampf, and even, occasionally…

Send us a text *This is the second of a two parter on Silent Witness so you may want to listen to part one (ep 31 on Silent Witness season 4, eps and 6) if you want to get the references. But we're not the boss of you so do as you like.* We're back! And this time with Dr Nikki Alexander and lots of dead crows. Hardly anyone is "well nourished," and…

Send us a text Its the first in our two part Silent Witness Extravaganza and we couldn't be more excited! Or we were, until we watched this. We are not the biggest fans of Professor Sam Ryan. Sorry, Sam, but you are a sanctimonious bore. And you use the phrase "making love," which has not been good for our digestive health. Someone gets almost beat…

Send us a text A monk gets bled, has a hallucination, gets fed opium, and the upshot is that there is a murder that Cadfael has to solve, in three days or less. The twelfth century is tough enough without all the slings, arrows, and outrageous hair extensions, but Derek Jacobi and his tonsure are here to save the day. This one wasn't Lex's fave (de…

Send us a text We haven't LOVED the newer shows we've covered so far, but that changes here and now because we loved Ludwig. In fact, the only thing that could have made it better would be David Mitchell crooning at the end of each episode. However, we will do without that, and instead indulge in problem solving (spot the difference), person case h…

Send us a text It's our one year anniversary! Whoop whoop! And to celebrate, Lex has covid. But like a hero, like an avenging angel, she comes through for us and we battle through this delightful, cheesy, nonsense. See what I did there? We have garroting, stabbing, death by cow, and of course, Martine and that truckle of cheese. Thank you to everyo…

Send us a text Caution - a dog gets murdered in this episode of Luther. And people are murdered too of course, but that goes without saying. Discussions include Luther's questionable processes (#notallMETpolice), whether a woman who pouts is more fascinating that a woman who doesn't, and the impact that Danny DeVito's presence would have had over t…

Send us a text Ok, we didn't love this one, but we did find a reason to be optimistic. Was it the plot? The scripts? The acting? Shayne Ward's linen wardrobe? No. None of those. But even in the darkest of times, we found one thing to love. Have a listen to find out what it was. At time of recording, The Good Ship Murder was available to watch in th…

Send us a text "Can it be? ...it's my own particular one and only four starred pussy. The super pussy of all old pussies..."* IT'S MISS MARPLE! And it's Jane Marple in midsomer land with a high body count and bonkers deaths. We LOVED this and quite frankly, we don't care if you didn't. It's even got Matt from Busted in it. Apols for the cameos by L…

Send us a text Stop me if you've heard this: A detective from the Met Police gets transferred to a complelety different jurisdiction and has to join a team of quirky locals to solve a baffling murder. Nope, it's not Death in Paradise, it's not even McDonald and Dodds! Because we're in Turkey this time, for the Turkish Detective! No cliche is left u…

Send us a text "IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S OK, DOESN'T REALLY MATTER IF YOU'RE OLD AND GREY...!" You're welcome, everyone. It's New Tricks, and we have the OG team of Sandra, Jerry, Jack, and Brian. There's a lot of stomping around wearing macs, grumbling, and trying to get straight answers out of people. The late, great, Dennis Waterman sings the above …

Send us a text In Professor T we have another psychology professor who helps the police solve crimes, but Jasper Tempest is no Cracker. Thankfully. There are singing teapots, bubbles aplenty, and a badger. Or a fellow called Badger. We don't dwell too much on the crime in this one, but get slightly distracted with a subplot focusing on questionable…

Send us a text In this episode we take the adage "if you don't laugh, you'll cry," to the absolute maximum. And friends, we manage not to cry. It's 1993 and Edward "Fitz" Fitzgerald has been, you've guessed it, hired as a consultant to the police. He traumatises everyone around him, which is weird considering he supposed to be such an amazing psych…

Send us a text It's 1973 and Sam Tyler is mad, in a coma, or back in time. There are HUGE lapels, clicky man heels, indoor smoking, and some alledged cattle rustling. We're not sure if we're supposed to fancy Gene Hunt, but we're not judging you if you do. There's a lot of football in this one, but don't let that put you off. There's a lot to love …

Send us a text DI Humphrey Goodman has left St Marie in the Caribbean and is now living in the fictional town of Shipton Abbot in Devon with his partner, Martha. And Martha's mother. And a duck named Selwyn. You're not going to believe it, but there's been a MURDER! On a steam train! It's all very Agatha Christie and Lily can barely contain her exc…

Send us a text Oh Dame Helen, WE ARE NOT WORTHY! Despite this episode being actually quite dull in places, and much of it being centered around municipal council decision making processes, it was still weirdly brilliant. That is you can get past the middle aged bank managers masquerading as teenagers, an apparently bog standard sex death, and the t…

Send us a text Calling all Cumberbitches! It's time for Sherlock! We're back in 2010 and it's all whip zooms, split screens, and sharp dialogue. And luckily for you lot, it's not the Marlow Murder club. Although, perhaps, we mention it once or twice. At time of recording this episode was available on BBC Iplayer in the UK and on Hulu in the USA. Th…

Send us a text Let's be honest, this wasn't our most favouritist crime drama ever. There should be a lot to like: multiple deaths, the Freemasons, regatta blazers, and a plucky dog... but ultimately we thought it was a punting nightmare. Ps. We still love Samantha Bond, we do. We just wish she had been a bit more...corrigible. At the time of record…

Send us a text Detective Superintendent Peter Boyd and the newly formed Cold Case Unit are investigating (and solving, goddamit) cold cases in this here London town. People shout in each other's faces, tell each other not to f**k it up, and breath heavily, showing the weight of the task in hand. It's intense. This episode is all about Lex's massive…

Send us a text A duffle coat, a windmill, and a whole load of implausible plot... Yep, it's Jonathan Creek! This week we have a slightly robotic woman who gets clonked on the head, a man who gets shot through a spyhole, a woman wearing pvc in summer, a MASSIVE video camera, and a whole bunch of high jinx with VCRs, VHS, and a wardrobe. Oh, and some…

Send us a text Endeavour has aged into Morse and this time he's investigating a murder in a low security prison. He's supported by an absolutely steller cast of actors, most of whom are sporting their most misjudged hairdos of all time. We do dig into the story and the characters, but mainly this is a review of people's hair in 1992. At time of rec…

Send us a text Channel Five's answer to the question nobody asked: What would you get if you did a mash up of Eldorado and Acorn Antiques, and made it a whodunnit? You get Shayne Ward as an ex serious crimes detective working as a singer on a cruise ship, that's what. If you're looking for a serious appraisal of C5's forat into the genre, maybe don…

Send us a text It's Oldham, it's 2011 and Rachel Bailey (Suranne Jones) is worried that people think she's a "shag bandit rubber knickers". Whether she is or not is not really our concern, but she could spend less time shaking up bottles of coke and obsessing over her scumbag ex, and more time on the scumbag whose wife just died under mysterious ci…

Send us a text It's the 100th episode of Death in Paradise! How could we let this one pass us by? AND it has Sean Maguire! Dear lord, such excitement. This episode sees Commissioner Selwyn Patterson, the boss, the police veteran, get shot, and the team having to solve his attempted murder. There's no goat, but there are turn ups, dungarees, handwri…

Send us a text Mes amis! It's here! Welcome to the world of Agatha Christie's Poirot, and it's simply delightful (gruesome murders and even more gruesome fake beards aside). We have a locked room mystery, unbreakable alibis, and a bit of fancy dress. It's golden age detective fiction at it's finest and we loved it. Lily once again misspoke so this …

Send us a text Welcome to Morse's origin story! It's Oxford in 1965 and young Endeavour is somberly pursuing villains left, right and centre. However, in a world where child abuse is normalised, Morse upsets people by attempting to fulfill his job description, and one character takes victim blaming to a whole new level, we won't blame him for rarel…

Send us a text The January blues are upon us and the atmospheric gloom of DI Annika Strandhed's Marine Homocide Unit feels apt. We discuss what to do with a whale carcass, Lex's in-laws get another roasting, and Lily loses patience with a fictional teenage girl. In many ways it's not our finest hour, but at least we didn't harpoon anyone. No whales…

Send us a text Merry Christmas one and all! Welcome to our first Christmas episode! We're on planet Midsomer for this one and, naturally, it's completely bananas. A slightly low body count for our liking, but there are magicians, murders (both actual and attempted), a magnificiently bad cracker joke, and a someone accidently shooting themselves in …

Send us a text Ah, it's the 1950s in Cambridgeshire and we're with the lovely Reverend Sidney Chambers. Swoon! We have some exhausting adultery, confusing whisky swapping, and impressive hair styling, so what's not to love? We also have Robson, without Jerome. And Amanda, WHO WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT. Grantchester is available to stream on ITV…

Send us a text 'Tis the season! Not for Christmas, calm down, but for coughs and colds and all things poorly making. If you have been affected by one of these season snifflies you could do worse than curling up on the sofa with your lemsip and binge watch Shakespeare and Hathaway. There's marriage, betrayal, a disguise, lutes, and plenty of silly h…

Send us a text Welcome to 2003! It’s Blue Murder with Caroline Quentin. There’s disembowelling, lots of laundry, some confusing logistics relating to a sanitary bin, and a potential attack using breadcrumbs. Truly, in the world of DCI Janine Lewis, danger really does lurk on every corner. We really enjoyed this one and we hope you do to. Apologies …

Send us a text A bit of housekeeping and a few Q&As from our lovely listeners. If you have a question or comment for us you can email us at [email protected] or find us on Instagram @crimedramaqueens and Facebook on our Crime Drama Queens page. We are unwilling to go mushroom picking at this time. Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.…

Send us a text It's Bath, it's 2018, and, much to Lex's dismay, Robert Lindsay is breaking the fourth wall. There is a LOT to discuss in this episode, not least: 1. Why is Bath being treated as if it has seceded from the UK? 2. Why are the met police sent it to solve crimes EVERYWHERE? 3. Why would you commit a murder this way?? WHY??? And then the…

Send us a text Welcome to Denton: a world of child abduction, bank robbery, murder, and the slut shaming of a fourteen year old. It's fun! It's a depressing dollop of gritty realism and despite hating it, we sort of loved it too. Join us, DI Frost, Linda Love, and more, as we journey together towards the most grotesque barbecue ever shown on prime …

Send us a text The one where Lily recorded in the kitchen and it sounds like she's in tin can. Join us as we dive head first into the unnerving world of Midsomer Murders! As usual with Midsomer there is a high body count, bizarre characters, and some fairly unpleasant twists. Unpleasant characters and bizarre twists? All of the above. Apologies for…

Send us a text Welcome to our first episode! This week we are covering Death in Paradise, season one episode one. If you're new to Death in Paradise don't worry, Lex is too. This episode is all about the joys of locked/unlocked room mysteries, people smuggling, and Sean Maguire being locked in a cell with a goat. What more could you want? (please d…